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IN CAP AND GOWN
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
Crown S'vo. buckram, Js. 6d.
STUDIES IN FRANKNESS
Croivn &VO, buckram , js. 6d. LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN
FROM A PAINTING BY PHILIP REINAGLE, IN THE UNIVERSITY LI B RARY, CA M B Rl DG E.
IN CAP AND GOWN
FURIE
CAMB
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CHARLES WHli...
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IN CAP AND GOWN
THREE CENTURIES OF CAMBRIDGE WIT
EDITED WITH AN INTRODUCTION
BY
CHARLES WHIBLEY
SOMETIME SCHOLAR OF JESUS COLLEGE. CAMBRIDGE
THIRD EDITION WITH A NEW PREFACE
LONDON WILLIAM HEINEMANN
1898
1 3
PREFACE
IT is my pleasant duty to express my sincere acknowledg- ments to all those who have kindly allowed me to reprint their pieces in the present volume. My warmest thanks are also due to the Rev. H. R. Luard, who permitted me to consult documents preserved in the University Registry ; to Mr. R. Bowes, of whose collection of books and pamphlets printed in Cambridge I have made con- siderable use ; and, above all, to Mr. J. W. Clark, who, with that generosity which he extends to all who are interested in the history and antiquities of Cambridge, not only placed at my disposal his unrivalled collection of leaflets and pamphlets relating to the University, but also read the proofs of the whole volume, and made many valuable suggestious. To Canon Wordsworth's works on the University of Cambridge I am indebted for much information.
C. W,
May, 1889.
CONTENTS
PAGE
INTRODUCTION ... ... ... ... ... ... xiii
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION ... ... ... xxxi
ON THE UNIVERSITY CARRIER ... ... ... ... i
ON THE FALL OF THE MITRE TAVERN IN CAMBRIDGE 4
THE TOWNSMEN'S PETITION OF CAMBRIDGE ... ... 7
ON THE UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE'S BURNING THE DUKE OF MONMOUTH'S PICTURE, 1685, WHO WAS FORMERLY
THEIR CHANCELLOR ... ... ... ... 12
EPIGRAM ... ... ... ... ... ... 15
"ANGUSTAM AMICE PAUPERISM PATI" ... ... 16
UPON DR. BENTLEY, MASTER OF TRINITY COLLEGE, CAM- BRIDGE ... ... ... ... ... ... 18
THE CANTAB ... ... ... ... ... 20
SPARROWS SELF-DOMESTICATED IN TRINITY COLLEGE, CAM- BRIDGE ... ... ... ... ... ... 21
NEWTON'S PRINCIPIA ... ... ... ... 23
ON THE MASTERS OF CLARE HALL AND CAIUS (OR KEYS)
COLLEGE ... ... ... ... ... ... 24
A DIALOGUE IN THE SENATE HOUSE AT CAMBRIDGE ... 25
ON TAKING A BACHELOR'S DEGREE ... ... ... 31
ON AN EAGLE CONFINED IN A COLLEGE COURT ... 34
THE PRETTY BAR-KEEPER OF THE MITRE ... ... 36
via
i'AGE
THE HAPPINESS OF A GOOD ASSURANCE ... ... 39
THE LOUNGER ... ... ... ... ... ... 42
EPIGRAM ON DR. OGDEN ... ... ... ... 44
SATIRE UPON THE HEADS ; OR, NEVER A BARREL THE
BETTER HERRING ... ... ... ... ... 46
SQUARING THE CIRCLE ... ... ... ... 48
THE BARBER ... ... ... ... ... ... 49
DR. JOWETT'S GARDEN ... ... ... ... 54
ANONYMOUS VERSES AGAINST DR. PARR ... ... ... 55
EPITAPH ... ... ... ... ... ... 56
To DR. KIPLING ... ... ... ... ... 57
THE GERMAN PROFESSORS ... ... ... ... 58
THE GERMANS IN GREEK ... ... ... ... 59
IMITATION OF HORACE ... ... .. ... 60
IMITATION OF HORACE ... ... ... ... ... 62
IMITATION OF HORACE ... ... ... ... 65
HYMN TO THE CREATOR ... ... ... ... 68
ON THE POPULAR PLAY OF PIZARRO ... ... 74
ON DR. DOUGLAS' MARRIAGE WITH Miss MAIN WARING ... 76
THE RIVAL BISHOPS ... ... ... ... 78
ON SPRAY '.. ... ... ... ... ... 79
HELL'S HOLIDAY ... ... ... ... ... 80
"LAUGH AND BE FAT" ... ... ... ... 82
THE CAMBRIDGE COMMENCEMENT ... ... ... 84
ONE HUNDRED GUINEAS REWARD ... ... ... 86
MAPS ... ... ... ... ... ... 87
"TO THE SCHQLLERS OF SAINCT JOHN HIS COLLEGE" ... 88
ODE ON A COLLEGE FEAST-DAY ... ... .. 89
A BACCHANALIAN SONG ... ... ... ... 92
ON E. D. CLARKE ... ... ... ... ... 94
EPIGRAM ... ... ... ... ... ... 98
THE SOCIETY OF MATHEMATICIANS ... ... ... 99
DEDICATION ... ... ... ... ... ... 102
CONTENTS. ix
PAGE
JOHNIAN MELODIES ... 104
THOUGHTS SUGGESTED BY A COLLEGE EXAMINATION ... 105
THE SIZAR'S TABLE ... ... ... 108
A LETTER FROM M V , OF TRINITY COLLEGE, TO A
FRIEND AT OXFORD ... ... no
HOCK VERSUS FALERNIAN ... 113
THE COLLEGIAN AND THE PORTER ... ... ... 114
CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY ... ... ... ... 118
THE COUNTRY CLERGYMAN'S TRIP TO CAMBRIDGE ... 120
TIMBUCTOO ... ... ... ... 1.24
THE PROCTOR . ... ... ... ... ... 127
AN ELEGY ... ... ... ... ... ... 130
MODERN SONGS. — No. 5 ... ... ... ... 132
THE FRIEND OF VERACITY VERSUS THE LIE-GRINDER ... 135
THOUGHTS SUGGESTED BY THE NEW CAIUS GOWN ... 139 THE SNOBIAD, OR TOWN AND GOWN Row IN CAMBRIDGE 142
VICE-CHANCELLOR v. MAYOR ... ... ... 147
NUGAE BARTLOVIANAE ... ... ... ... ... 149
THE RAPE OF THE WHISKER ... ... ... 154
EXTRAORDINARY ASTRONOMICAL DISCOVERS ... ... 158
PROSPECTUS OF THE SOCIETY FOR THE TRANSLATION OF
CAMBRIDGE MATHEMATICAL BOOKS INTO INTELLIGIBLE
ENGLISH ... ... ... ... ... ... 161
SATURDAY EVENING ... ... ... ... 165
A (VERY) FREE IMITATION OF THE FIRST ECLOGUE OF
VERGIL ... ... ... ... ... ... 169
CHARACTERS OF FRESHMEN ... ... ... ... 175
THE VISION OF ST. BRAHAMUS ... ... ... ... 189
THE TRINITY JANUS ... ... ... ... 193
A DELEC.TABLE BALLAD OF THE JUDGE AND THE, MASTER 195
ON "THE PLURALITY OF WORLDS" BY DR. WHEWELL 198
THE FIGHT OF THE CRESCENT ... ... ... ... 199
TRINITY COLLEGE COMMEMORATION ... ... ... 205
x CONTENTS.
PAGE
THE RIGHT DIVINE ... ... ... ... ... 207
WHOM DO YOU VOTE FOR? ... ... ... ... 209
THE RIVAL CANDIDATES ... ... ... ... 210
THE ELECTION OF THE CHANCELLOR ... ... 211
PRINCIPLE AND PRACTICE ... ... ... ... 213
UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE ... ... ... ... 214
SPORTING INTELLIGENCE — UNIVERSITY SWEEPSTAKES, CAM- BRIDGE ... ... ... ... ... ... 216
A FRAGMENT TOUCHING THE LYCEUM ... ... 218
MR. JEAMES'S SENTIMENTS ON THE CAMBRIDGE ELECTION 221
THE CAMBRIDGE ADDRESS TO PRINCE ALBERT ... 225
THE NEW TRIPOSES ... ... ... ... ... 228
A BOATING SONG ... ... ... ... ... 230
ON HEARING THE BELLS RING FOR THE NEW PROVOST OF
KING'S, DR. OKES ... ... ... ... ... 232
THE Two VOICES ... ... ... ... ... 233
EPIGRAM ... ... ... ... ... ... 237
THE SUMMER ASSIZES OF 1850 ... ... ... 238
A PARADOX ... ... ... ... ... ... 239
THE USELESS DON ... ... ... ... ... 240
THE DEATH-WARRANT ... ... ... ... ... 241
VALEDICTORY ADDRESS TO THE DEAN ... ... 242
RIGID BODY SINGS ... ... ... ... ... 245
THE RAPE OF THE LOCK ... ... ... ... 246
THE DEATH OF THE CAPUT ... ... ... ... 249
THE UNIVERSITY BOAT-RACE ... ... ... 251
YE MOST PLEASAUNTE DREAME OF COELEBS, YE CAMBRYDGE
FELLOWE ... ... ... ... ... ... 253
A SATIRE ... ... ... ... ... ... 257
TRINITY BOAT-SONG ... ... ... ... ... 262
ADVERTISEMENTS ... ... ... ... ... 264
THE CAMBRIDGE DIONYSIA ... ... ... ... 267
THE LAUREATE'S BUST AT TRINITY .. 282
CONTENTS.
XI
PAGE
THE CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY BOAT OF 1860 ... ... 285
YE CRUELLE COXWAYNE ... ... ... ... 289
Hie VIR, HIC EST ... ... ... ... ... 291
THE TATLER IN CAMBRIDGE ... ... ... 295
THE TATLER IN CAMBRIDGE ... ... ... ... 300
THE TATLER IN CAMBRIDGE ... ... ... 305
OCTOPUS ... ... ... ... .. ... 310
THE HEATHEN PASS-EE ... ... ... ... 312
THE VULTURE AND THE HUSBANDMAN ... ... ... 316
THINGS NOT GENERALLY KNOWN ... ... ... 320
EPISODE ... ... ... ... ... ... 321
IN MEMORIAM "... ... ... ... ... 323
THE BATTLE OF THE PONS TRIUM TROJANORUM ... ... 326
A BALLAD OF BOTHERS ... ... ... ... 333
TEN TRIOLETS ... ... ... ... ... ... 335
A VERY DOLOROUS BALLADE OF CAMBRIDGE ... ... 339
A GIRTONI AN FUNERAL ... ... ... ... ... 341
THE POETS AT TEA... ... ... ... ... 344
INDEX ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 349
INTRODUCTION.
THERE is much to encourage the production of ephemeral literature in Oxford and Cambridge. Each University is the home of a large number of men of literary tendencies, to whom everything that happens within the limits of their Alma Mater is of the utmost importance. The thousand incidents of college life, the eccentricities of dons, the political struggles of the Senate House, all afford themes of interest to the University light horseman, and much prose and verse is the result.
As there is no lack of material, so there is no lack of energy. Youth is the age of literary experiment, and a large number of those whose names have in later years become famous have won their spurs in the field of litera- ture as undergraduates. It has, besides, been the practice of many a learned don to devote his leisure to castigating the follies of his contemporaries in satiric verse. Unfortu- nately, however, either from a pride in his learning, or in the belief that satire gains in point from being written in a dead language, he has too often hidden away his thoughts in Latin or Greek. But, happily, English has not always been despised, and even bishops and professors have con- descended to write in their own tongue, and sometimes with admirable effect.
xiv INTRODUCTION.
The present volume consists of pieces relating to the University of Cambridge, or written by members of that University. They have been collected from various sources, which need not here be specially recorded. Many are now printed for the first time from manuscripts preserved in the University Registry or in the hands of private indi- viduals ; others are reprinted from rare pamphlets, which have long since been forgotten ; some few are taken from the " Cambridge Tart " and " Facetiae Cantabrigienses," publications of small merit, which had a certain vogue in the early decades of the present century. The numerous University periodicals — of which more presently — Punch, and several other London journals, have been laid under contribution ; while not a little that is interesting has been selected from the biographies, as well as from the collected works, of many Cambridge men.
The journalistic fever seems to have laid hold upon Cam- bridge at a very early period. From the year 1750 until the present time there is an uninterrupted series of University magazines. With few exceptions they have been short-lived. The energy which called them into existence has soon evaporated. Perhaps a financial crisis has intervened; or their conductors have taken their degrees and entered upon more serious pursuits. Some have languished for a term or two, while of others only a solitary number has appeared. Many of them, it must be acknowledged, are depressing reading. Priggishness and ineptitude gene- rally predominate over hilarity and humour ; and only here and there does some bright parody or happy satire relieve the gloom.
That rare little volume, called The Snob, which fetches fabulous prices wherever it is met with, is, for example, more curious than entertaining. Yet, although its wit is forced and feeble, one lingers over it with interest, for
INTRODUCTION. xv
it contains what is probably Thackeray's first attempt at literary expression. This boyish production of the great novelist is a parody of a prize poem, entitled "Timbuctoo," which subject, grotesque enough in itself, was actually given out by the adjudicators of the Chancellor's English Medal, in 1829. As every one knows, the prize was carried off by Alfred Tennyson, whose serious effort has been lost in oblivion, while Thackeray's good-natured burlesque is still remembered. Twenty years after the appearance of The Snob, Thackeray published in " Pendennis " a fragment of another parody of a prize poem. This gibe of his later years is far more spirited than "Timbuctoo," and keeps far closer to the model of undergraduate heroic verse. The novelist, it will be remembered, gives an account of a volume of old Oxbridge tracts, prize poems, and declamations, and having described Jack's " despair and Byronic misanthropy," and Tom's " defence of suicide and republicanism generally,"
goes on : " Here is Bob, of the Circuit, who has made a
fortune in Railroad Committees, bellowing out with Tancred and Godfrey, ' On to the breach, ye soldiers of the cross, Scale the red wall and swim the choking foss. Ye daunt- less archers, twang your cross-bows well; On, bill and battle- axe and mangonel ! Ply battering-ram and hurtling catapult, Jerusalem is ours, — id Deus vult.' After which comes a mellifluous description of the gardens of Sharon and the maids of Salem, and a prophecy that roses shall deck the entire country of Syria, and a speedy reign of peace be established — all in undeniably decasyllabic lines, and the queerest aping of sense and sentiment and poetry."
But to return to our University periodicals. Close on the heels of The Snob came The Gownsman, in the conduct of which also Thackeray had a share. It is not more exhilarating than The Snob, and contains little but may be forgotten without care and without regret. The journals of
b
xvi INTRODUCTION.
the next ten years may be passed over in silence. Indeed, it is not until 1839, when The Cambridge University Magazine was published, that we find a print that is worthy of con- sideration, G. Brimley, C. B. Wilcox, and W. M. W. Call were among the contributors to this magazine, and in it were published the " Characters of Freshmen," which are reprinted in the present volume.
" The Oxford and Cambridge Magazine. Conducted by Members of the Two Universities" which was published in 1856, was in some respects a memorable venture. It did not reflect the tone of the University so much as embody the tenets of a particular literary school, and we are there- fore not immediately concerned with it. We cannot, how- ever, leave it without a word, for Mr. William Morris was its editor, and among those who wrote in its pages were Messrs. Burne- Jones and D. G. Rossetti. Of a very different character was The Lion University Magazine, which appeared two years later. It was edited by H. R. Haweis, of Trinity College, and in spite of its modest outside its tone was almost as pretentious as its title. In fact, it was, as its editor frankly confesses, "a preposter- ous serial ; " yet, in calling forth The Bear and the inimit- able Cambridge Dionysia, both from the pen of G. O. Trevelyan, it more than justified its existence.
During the last thirty years journalistic energy has seldom flagged at Cambridge. Nearly every one has had its serial. They have not all displayed wit of the highest order, but there are two among them which merit almost unqualified praise. The Tatler in Cambridge contained an excellent collection of essays, while a more brilliant series of jeux d' esprit has rarely appeared than those which we can still enjoy in The Light Green. What Cambridge man is ignorant of "The Heathen Pass-ee"? Who does not know " The Vulture and the Husbandman " ?
INTRODUCTION. xvli
Many of the most amusing contributions to the University magazines are either imitations of the classics or parodies of modern writers. The authors of the earliest journals framed themselves on Addison and Steele. The Student (1750-1), The Reformer (1776), and The Galvanist (1804) contain much that is but a far-off echo of The Spectator or The Tatler. The poet most popular with parodists of this period was Gray, whose " Elegy " and whose tf Bard " were distorted and perverted to innumerable uses. A typical parody of the latter will be found in Erskine's "Ode to the College Barber," which, however, was published in a London, not a Cambridge, journal. In more modern times, Lord Macaulay shares the honour with Tennyson and Swinburne of having provided the poets of Cambridge with the greatest amount of material for their burlesques. Of the " Lay of Horatius " parody after parody has appeared. Tom Taylor's spirited "Fight of the Crescent" and Mr. Bowling's "Battle of the Pons Trium Trojanorum" are perhaps the best.
Of the learned dons who have beguiled their leisure by writing satiric verse, the most distinguished are Person, Mansel, and Shilleto. For many years before his death, which took place in 1808, Person, who was Professor of Greek at Cambridge, enjoyed a unique reputation as a sayer and writer of good things. And, as was and is inevi- table, countless repartees and epigrams were fathered upon him of which he was entirely guiltless. At this distance of time it is a difficult matter to determine which of the Porsoniana are real, especially as the author of " The Sexa- genarian," and Mr. Barker, of Thetford, who made it their business to collect them, have been incredibly loose and inexact in their ascription. A considerable number of poems, however, have been generally acknowledged to be his, and of these the majority are reprinted in the present
xviii . INTRODUCTION.
volume. A series of imitations of Horace by him were published in The Morning Chronicle, to which, says the author of " The Pursuits of Literature," Person " gave up what he owed to the world."
At the end of the last century and the beginning of the present, the pen of William Lort Mansel, afterwards Master of Trinity and Bishop of Bristol, was the terror of Cambridge. Though he was Public Orator of the University, the holder of a rich living, and a Doctor of Divinity, he lampooned everybody, high or low, and that in such scurrilous and indecent fashion, that he was obliged, for the most part, to clothe his effusions in the decent obscurity of a learned language, and, like Sir Benjamin Backbite, "to circulate them in manuscript among the friends of the parties." He was well described by a contemporary as
" The Churchman's shame, the Scholar's scorn, Lampoon and epigram in lawn."
Many of his verses have been handed down in manuscript, and may still be recovered, but the most of them are unfit for modern print.
Richard Shilleto, perhaps the greatest Greek scholar of the century, belongs to a later age than Person or Mansel. Yet in some ways he may be regarded as the representative of a class of dons long since extinct. For many years it was his habit to throw off short poems in English, Latin, or Greek on whatever was happening in Cambridge. A large number of these epigrams he sent to the Registrary, accompanying many of them with a characteristic letter. Fortunately they have been pre- served in the Registry, where they remain to testify to the wit and humour, as well as to the calligraphy, of their author. Of his handwriting, in fact, Shilleto was particularly proud, and in that respect, as well as in scholarship, he could justly lay claim to rival Person. He possessed an unrivalled
INTRODUCTION. xix
mastery over Greek, and his most brilliant productions are, no doubt, imitations of Aristophanes. At the same time, many epigrams, and his epitaph "In Memoriam Roberti Bendall, Tonsorum Ultimi," are sufficient evidence of the felicity of his English style.
The staff of Punch has often been recruited from Cam- bridge. The consequence is, that in the pages of that periodical are to be found many pieces of peculiar interest to Cambridge men. It was in Punch that Tom Taylor published his " Fight of the Crescent," as well as that admirable parody of Tennyson, " The Laureate's Bust ; " while in the same journal are to be found Thackeray's "Sentiments on the Cambridge Election" and his "Address to Prince Albert,"
The prevailing characteristic of all these is their shoppi- ness. With1 few exceptions, their interest is purely local. But this by no means detracts from their value. Taken together, they throw a flood of light on the history of the University during the last two centuries. Scarcely a single great movement has taken place without suggesting a jocular ballad to an undergraduate or a junior don. The eccentri- cities of few have escaped the satiric eye. If a contest takes place between dean and students on the chapel ques- tion, or between Whigs and Tories at an election, it is in a copy of verses that the memory of the struggle is perpetuated. Similarly, when the introduction of the natural and moral sciences into the university curriculum, the celibacy of fellows, or the education of women, have been endlessly discussed in speeches or reviews, and finally voted upon in the Senate House, a contemporary parody remains our best record of the whole matter. Many a don, too, whose name would otherwise be only associated with, a dry mathematical treatise, lives again in the kindly jestings of the satirist ; while, if we want information as to the manners
xx INTRODUCTION-.
and customs of past generations of Cambridge men, it is in the University jeux d' esprit that we shall find it And so, quite apart from literary merit, which is not often of the highest order, the present collection may be said to form a light-hearted history of the University.
What strikes us most forcibly, in these records of University life, is the persistence of the various types of Cambridge men. Such external circumstances as the hour of dinner in hall, the costume of undergraduates, the studies prescribed by the University authorities, — all these have been altered from time to time. The very aspect of the town itself has undergone a complete transformation. Nor has the social system of Cambridge remained uniform. Since the time of Gunning, who gives a graphic picture of University life at the end of the last and the beginning of the present century, everything has marvellously changed.
When communication between Cambridge and the out- side world was by coach only, the University existed almost entirely for itself and by itself. The society of the heads of houses and elderly dons was rigorously exclusive, all students but a few favoured fellow- commoners being kept without its pale. In fact, William Frere, who was appointed master of Downing in 1812, was the first to break down the reserve of donnishness, and to admit undergraduates within the charmed circle of what may be termed "University society." Notwith- standing this severe system of caste, there was a good deal that was primitive in Cambridge life at the beginning of the present century. For instance, there were no public conveyances in the place, and there was only one umbrella, which was kept in a shop in Benet Street, and let out by the hour ! The town was neither paved nor lighted, and the proposal to place lamps in the streets met with the fiercest opposition. Both dons and townspeople were
INTRODUCTION. xxi
apprehensive lest, if lamps were erected in the streets, the undergraduates should mark their progress through the town with broken glass, and that the fights between the "town" and "gown" would recur, as persons would easily recognize their enemies by the light of the lamps, and would not pass by without quarrelling. Again, the majority of dons were untouched by foreign influences, and eccen- tricities of conduct or manner were by no means un- common. George Pryme, in his " Recollections," says that Dr. Glynn, a fellow of King's, " usually wore a scarlet cloak and three-cornered hat, and carried a gold headed cane. He also used pattens in rainy weather." Another effect of secluded life was that the dons were uninfluenced by any healthy public opinion ; and though they were ever ready to punish the undergraduate for the slightest breach of discipline, there are few vices in which they themselves did not indulge. If we may believe Gunning, they were not only uncouth, sottish, and immoral, but, what was in Gunning's eyes a far worse sin, they did not scruple, "as examiners, for the sake of making money, to assign the highest honours in the power of the University to bestow, not on the most deserving^ but on those who had been fortunate enough to avail themselves of their instruction as Private Tutors."
It will be seen, from what we have said, that a far- reaching revolution has taken place in Cambridge, and yet the men of to-day differ but little from their predecessors of a century, or even two centuries, ago. Life is now lived amid very different surroundings ; but, after all, the types of "men," the characteristics of the various colleges, the very slang of the place, are much the same as they always have been. The same stories against the dons, which amused our great-grandfathers in their first term, are told to the freshmen of to-day as entirely modern. There is one apposite
xxii INTRODUCTION.
illustration of the recurrence of University myths which may be quoted here. For some years a story has been told of a certain don, to the effect that, coming home from dinner one night, he fell into the " run " in Trumpington Street. A passer-by hastened to help him on to his feet again, where- upon he declined the proffered aid on the ground that he could swim. A precisely similar occurrence is said to have taken place in 1794 (Gunning's " Reminiscences," i. 320). In those days it need scarcely be said the " run " was not in existence. But along the front of Pembroke College, between that building and the site now occupied by the Pitt Press, ran a watercourse, which divided the street into two very unequal parts. The sides of the channel were boarded, and it was crossed by two very narrow bridges. " It was reported of a senior wrangler" — so Gunning tells the tale — " who became afterwards one of our most distinguished Chancery lawyers, that, in crossing the bridge to sup with a friend on the evening of taking his degree, he fell into the stream, and would not suffer the passers-by to pull him out, as 'he could swim.' He always pleaded guilty to the charge of falling in, but stoutly denied he had ever thought it necessary to swim in order to extricate himself."
The perpetuity of anecdotes is remarkable enough; yet no less remarkable is the uniformity of the types of undergraduates. The " rowing " man — who, by the way, has nothing to do with the river — is still in existence, though he has changed his name to "rowdy." Another type, the " lounger," is thus sketched in The Student (pub- lished 1750): "In every college there is a set of idle persons called Loungers, whose whole business it is to fly from the painful task of thinking. These are ready to catch at every young fellow at his first admission, and imperceptibly teach him to saunter away his time in the same idle, spiritless manner with themselves. Whomsoever
INTRODUCTION. xxiii
these Remoras of a college adhere to, they instantly benumb to all sense of reputation or desire of learning." In The Spectator (No. 54), the " loungers " are said to be "a sect of philosophers," and the following are quoted as some of their maxims : " The fundamental maxim, upon which their whole system is built, is this, viz. That Time being an implacable enemy to and destroyer of all things, ought to be paid in his own coin, and be destroyed and murdered without mercy, by all the ways that can be invented. Another favourite saying of theirs is, That business was designed only for knaves, and study for blockheads. A third seems to be a ludicrous one, but has a great effect upon their lives ; and is this, That the devil is at home." The class of " loungers " thus described is just as familiar to us, though under another name, as it was to The Spectator and to Christopher Smart. The modern fritterer differs in some respects from his prototype. He strums the piano, while his predecessor " blew a tune on his flute." His predecessor amused himself by reading " plays," or the novels of Aphra Behn, while he contents himself with inferior translations from the French. The old-fashioned lounger "toped all the night, as he trifled all day ; " the modern lounger is "aesthetic," and discusses sonatas over cups of tea. With these differences, the lounger is still among us and distinctly recognizable. There is yet another type to be described, and that is the ultra-Evangelical. For many years, in the days of " T and B "— " Tea and Bible," the name given to the Evangelical meetings by the opponents of the movement — he was known as a Simeonite, or " Sim;" now he is called a " Pi-man." He has changed his name ; but his character endures for ever.
A similar incorruptibility is a quality in University slang. The "Gradus ad Cantabrigiam " might still be found of considerable service to the undergraduate, although it was
xxir INTR OD UCTION.
published as long ago as 1803. A writer in The Gentleman's Magazine for 1794 complains of the prevalence of slang in Cambridge. Then, as now, the undergraduate " sported his oak," "kept his terms," or "cut his lecture."
Other points of similarity are to be noted. As far back as our records extend, proctors and dons are considered the natural enemies of undergraduates. Thomas Randolph's "Fall of the Mitre Tavern," which was written in 1633, the year before the author died, concludes with a reference to " bugbear Proctors," and who shall say that their tradi- tion has suffered change ? Another feud, that between " town " and " gown," seems to be almost as old as Cam- bridge itself, and it has given rise to many a well-fought fight and many a stirring ballad. Of late years, how- ever, the common sense of both parties has almost extin- guished it.
The result of this conservatism of type and slang is that in some respects our Cambridge poems seldom seem quite out of date. In nearly every case they present some picture or refer to some circumstance with which we of the nine- teenth century are more or less in touch.
The various colleges in Cambridge, no less than the undergraduates of which they are composed, have always had distinct characteristics of their own. Some have retained them generation after generation, while others have at different times assumed different characters. A fine sense of dignity has always pervaded the "tufts" of Trinity. At every period of their history they have been conscious, and no doubt justly so, of their, supremacy in the University world. Nor is evidence of this proud consciousness lacking.
" Yet weep not, Cains men, in your lowly den ; Well may ye envy Trinity her men,"
writes the author of the "New Caius Gown" in 1835. In
INTRODUCTION. xxv
the "Extraordinary Mathematical Discovery" (1838) a still more arrogant tone is adopted. The author of that leaflet speaks of the " many small planetary bodies which revolve at various distances round the glorious and brilliant sun of Trinity College, and which are commonly known by the name of minor establishments or smaller colleges." In recent years the small colleges have done much to assert themselves, and Trinity can scarcely lay claim to-day to the unique position which it once occupied.
For some reason or other St. John's has never been popular in the University world. The members of other colleges have set forth their opinion of it in no measured terms. Such expressions as "Johnian Sty," and " Johnian Hogs," are the commor places of University poets. This is the more strange, because one of the most familiar refer- ences to the "Johnian" in English literature is in the kindly verse of Praed :
" Sit in the Vicar's seat : you'll hear The doctrine of a gentle Johnian, Whose hand is white, whose tone is clear, Whose phrase is very Ciceronian."
This passage, however, can scarcely be taken as an apotheosis of the Johnians generally. It is probable that Praed had in his mind one member of St. John's, whose manners were gentle and speech refined, or was a slave to the exigencies of his rhyme. On the other hand, we could bring forward quotation after quotation to prove that the Johnians have been known as the grex porcorum, "the herd of swine," from time immemorial. Their college is con- stantly termed "the sty," the bands of velvet which dis- tinguish their gownare known as " crackling," while a piece of ground between Trinity and St. John's has been called the " Isthmus of Sues." The origin of these taunts is wrapt in
xxvi INTRODUCTION.
mystery, and though several explanations have been offered none can be regarded as entirely satisfactory. "The Johnian Hogs," says a writer in the Gentleman 's Magazine for 1796, "were remarkable on account of the squalid figures and low habits of the students, and especially the sizars, of St. John's College." Another authority in the same magazine indignantly rejects this suggestion. " Your Cantab oracle," he says, " is toto coelo mistaken as to the appellation of * Johnian Hogs ; ' his interpretation is, on the face of it, improbable. It arose from the squalid figures of the students, says he ! Lo ! on the contrary, it is proverbial to be as fat as a hog. Forty years ago I was a scholar of St. John's. A clergyman, who had thirty years before that time been a fellow of that college, told me the real story, which is ridiculous. A gateway opens into a bye- road between that college and Trinity Chapel, that leads to St. John's walks ; and in the corner of the first court, facing the entrance to the chapel, is a passage leading out to that bye-road. A young wag of that college saw a countryman driving a sow and young pigs to market ; the youth suddenly seized a little pig, whipt it under his gown, ran down the bye-road, turned into the passage, and went up to his chamber, where his chum was then at study. The countryman pursued, and saw the youth enter the passage, but, having lost him there, went through it into the outer court of the college. The wag saw him gaping and gazing in great amazement ; then opening his window, held up the pig, and, pinching one ear, made it squeak. Clodpate immediately made an outcry ; the servants of the college assembled about him, and undertook to show him the room ; but the youth muffled up the pig, ran up to the top of the stairs, and, getting out upon the leads between the roof and parapet wall, proceeded along quite round to the bell-turret, and there observed the countryman's
INTRODUCTION. xxvii
motions. Clodpate in the interim entered the chamber, but there found only the chum at his books. 'Where,' says he, 'is the other young man with my pig?' 'What pig?' says the student. 'There is no other person here but myself.' The chamber was strictly searched, but quite in vain. Clodpate in despair returned down into the court. The wag, seeing this, went back to his chamber, exhibiting the pig once more at the window, and then eloped as before ; while hue-and-cry was again made, but still in vain. At length the wag, espying Clodpate proceeding to the master's lodge, descended the bell-turret, went out at the gate, dropped down the pig unperceived, and retired quite unconcerned into the Johnian coffee-house in the opposite churchyard. Presently the pig was heard squeaking about the street. But the college was ever afterwards denominated the Circaean stye" (Gentleman's Magazine, vol. Ixv. p. 107). This is somewhat far-fetched, and perhaps, after all, the Johnians were only called " Hogs " because they were fond of good living. We know that in Praed's times there were " gourmands " at St. John's.
" And yet you think I'm growing thinner j You'd stare to see me eat my dinner ! You know that I was held by all The greatest epicure in Hall, And that the voice of Granta's sons Styled me the gourmand of St. John's. "
And the Johnians of to-day do not disguise the pride which they take in the excellence of their " Hall."
Caius has always been known as a place of good eat- ing. Innumerable passages might be quoted in support of this assertion, but we will content ourselves with one or two. Christopher Smart, writing in 1750, speaks of
"The sons of culinary Kays Smoking from the eternal treat ; "
xxviii INTRODUCTION.
while in 1838 the author of the "New Caius Gown" asks :
"Know ye the college where men never shine In aught but in quaffing the juice of the vine ? "
Magdalene has undergone a strange revolution. At the end of the eighteenth century it was full of Simeonites, and was given over to prayer-meetings and other evan- gelical pursuits. Its members, however, have by this time succeeded in living down that reputation. And so it is with the other colleges ; but the examples we have quoted are enough to illustrate the fact that each institution has a corporate life and character of its own.
This brings us to another point of no little interest and some obscurity. It is a well-known fact that savage men believe that there is a close kinship between themselves and the lower animals. Many tribes, in fact, "regard themselves as being descended from kangaroos, cockatoos, emus, pelicans, and other animals." A similar belief seems to have existed at Cambridge in what we may term its savage period. At any rate, there are distinct traces of a survival of it to-day. Trinity men were once known as "bull-dogs," Johnians as "hogs," while the members of Clare, St. Catharine's, and Sidney were called " greyhounds," " doves," and " owls," respectively. It must be admitted that Cambridge is gradually outgrowing the condition of totemism. With one exception these tribal names have disappeared. The members of St. John's College are still called "hogs," but commonplace appellations have now replaced "bull-dogs," "greyhounds," and the rest It is as difficult to discover the origin of these names as it is to explain totemism itself. A philological explanation, which would no doubt commend itself to the supporters of the theory that "mythology is a disease of language,"
INTRODUCTION. xxix
but which we reject as trivial, has been suggested for the "doves" of St. Catharine's. It is said that the members of St. Catharine's Hall were first of all called " Puritans," from the derivation of the name of their patroness from KaOatpeiv. The dove being the emblem of purity, to change a name from "Puritans" to "doves" was but one short
step.
We have arranged our reprints in order of dates. Any one who reads them consecutively will find the history of the University referred to with tolerable completeness.
PREFACE TO THIRD EDITION
IN the decade of years that has passed since these informal documents were gathered together, the history of Cam- bridge has been more eventful than auspicious. Aroused still farther back from an immemorial slumber by a Royal Commission, the University had already contemplated with equanimity the marriage of her fellows, and the destruction of that monastic ideal which gave the worst of her vices the semblance of an amiable virtue. Thenceforth she was inclined for the discussion of every desperate reform ; she harboured those within her precincts who, holding no tradition sacred, were ready to sacrifice Greek or to convert the colleges into so many playgrounds for the people, who would put the gown on women's shoulders, and let the graduates of Newnham and Girton control the Senate House. Happily, resistance is strong enough to oppose surrender ; but the danger is evident, when in an age of
c
xxxii PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION.
universal questioning a revolution is openly discussed, of which it was once treasonable to whisper in secret.
The ancient comedy, in truth, morose at times, has threatened to turn to tragedy, and the change of temper is instantly noted in the records. For parochial humour, which carries us farther than its own boundaries, has the merit of historical truth. Narrow and obscure to the world of larger interests, it is easily intelligible to the initiate ; and it cannot lie, since it is established upon facts which are as familiar as the creaking of the parish-pump. But until lately the versifiers of Cambridge took count only of trivialities, since happily there were no graver issues to engross them. The tint of a gown, the shape of a cap, the cut of a whisker, or perchance the conflict of a forgotten election — these were enough to hold their fancy captive. Or a scholar of Trinity might appear after the vacation in all the insolence of a budding moustache. His tutor bade him sacrifice his pride, or go down. And he, declining to lose his cherished ornament, celebrated his discomfiture in an admirable copy of elegiacs, and departed. Or the bad wine of the Combination-room shocked the palate of a junior fellow, whereon he protested in a set of verses and with immediate effect. But to-day sterner themes perplex the mind ; the politics, not the fiWity, of Cambridge relieve the tedium of the lecture-room or the passion of
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. research. "How shall we improve the University?" asks one fervent don, heedless of his dinner. " How shall we arrive by the shortest cut at the spirit of the age?" demands another, forgetting the dangerous effect of this intoxicant. And thus, with no better object than to confer upon somebody else an imagined benefit or to further the cause of abstract justice, reform is proposed and destruction meditated.
In the old method there was less of risk and more of dignity. The explanation of a trivial grievance is always innocuous, and the frivolity of a serious scholar is inspired by a taste and fancy peculiar to seclusion. But there is no need to despair, since the most ardent prophet of reform is but a passing danger; since change itself is powerless against the tradition of seven hundred years and the stern sobriety of cloistered courts. Nevertheless the >imist is justified of his protest ; for, if no voice were lised against the intruder, the citadel might be taken by dth. Yet, in spite of the railroad, which has put an end the magnificent isolation of ancient times, in spite of mnumbered commissions, which have presumed to try lediaeval Cambridge by the useful standard of modern >ndon, the University defies revolution. The costume iposed of necessity upon her sons is enough to retard the jckless march of progress, and a Senate clothed in gowns
xxxiv PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. and mortar-boards will never be completely misled by the voice of argument. But constant as she is, in nothing does Cambridge display the fixity of her character so openly as in the habit of reproach. From the beginning of time her scholars have usurped the privilege of intimacy, and covered with scurrilous abuse the University to which they confessed their debt, and from whose precincts they seldom strayed. This outspokenness is, in truth, the best proof of respect : it is possible openly to rate a friend and keep his friendship ; but the lightest word thrown at an enemy does but widen the breach. So centuries of plain speech have not weakened the bond which unites to Cambridge her censorious admirers. " In my time," complains the jaded oldster, "the undergraduate was taller, nobler, more learned than to-day. A scholar of greater distinction, he was also better skilled on the river and cricket-field; in brief, where his successors are but schoolboys, he behaved himself like a hero." Had the decadence been perpetual as its profession, the human race would by this time have degenerated to pigmies; but we look at the past through coloured spectacles, and find enchantment in a blurred memory.
As early as the Sixth Edward the history of reproach begins, and the Reverend Thomas Lever bewailed at Paul's Cross the wisdom and generosity of the late king, who is now no better esteemed than a constitutional Blue-
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. xxxv
beard. But, whatever were his other failings, Henry VIII. encouraged learning with royal liberality, giving "two hundred pounds yearly to the exhibition and finding of five learned men to read and teach divinity, law, physick, Greek and Hebrew." Yet, alas ! despite the king's muni- ficence, the University declined. By 1550 the two hundred students of Divinity, who made Cambridge illustrious, were " all clean gone, house and man, young toward scholars, and old fatherly Doctors, not one of them left." And with them were vanished another hundred, rich, beneficed and elegant students, who lived in hostelries at their own charges, and doubtless followed the sports of the time with a greater zeal than they attended the lectures of Cheke or Erasmus. The handful that were left starved their bellies and brains alike, and of them Lever paints a sorry picture. How many undergraduates would be content nowadays to follow their iron rule ? " There be divers," says Lever, "'which rise daily betwixt four and five of the clock in the morning, and from five until six of the clock use common prayer with an exhortation of God's word in a common chapel, and from six unto ten of the clock use ever either private study or common lectures. At ten of the clock they go to dinner, whereas they be content with a penny piece of beef amongst four, having a few porridge made of the broth of the same beef,
xxxvi PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION.
with salt, oatmeal and nothing else." Thus they dined at ten, these poor hungry scholars, and thereafter studied or taught till five, when they supped no better than they dined, and so, having reasoned problems until nine, they would walk or run " to get a heat upon their feet when they go to bed." A sorry life, and ill becoming the dignity of scholarship. But, doubtless, even in the happy reign of Henry VIIL, the voice of criticism was shrewd and bitter as Lever's own, since the inclination of the censor never lacked its opportunity.
Under Elizabeth, Cambridge, even more gloriously than England, enjoyed her golden age. Then there was a poet on every staircase to herald the birth of literature, and the drama was cradled on the banks of the Cam. From Benet Hall came Marlowe to give a bias to Shakespeare's genius. Chapman and Shirley sojourned at either University, while Fletcher, too, went up to Benet Hall, where Marlowe must still have been a brilliant memory. To Greene's " Menaphon " Nash prefixed a brilliant panegyric of St. John's College, that illustrious foundation, which has since become the whetstone of University wit. But in Nash's day there was no thought of " hogs " or " pigsties," and this faithful Johnian finds courage to patronise the august College of Trinity, which, says he, with an effrontery which might make the boldest Johnian tremble, " the University Orator aptly
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. xxxvii
termed Colonia Didacta, from the suburbs of Saint John's. " Thus are discounted the thousand insults of a later day, and truly it needed not the advent of Bentley to emphasise the triumph of St. John's, "that most fortunate Nurse of
all learning, shining so far above all other Houses,
Halls, and Hospitals whatsoever, that no College in the town was able to compare with the title of her students."
Yet, for all the miraculous distinction of their fellows, for all the panegyric of Nash, the scholars of Cambridge were not content ; and The Return from Parnassus, which was acted, while still Elizabeth sat upon the throne, is nothing less than a violent attack upon the University. Ignorance, venality and neglect — these are the charges brought against a seat of learning then at the pinnacle of its fame. The unknown author even assails the University's literary pretensions, though within twenty years a dozen poets had journeyed to London from the cloistered courts of Cambridge. Yet these, complains the satirist, " smell too much of that writer Ovid, and that writer Metamorphosis" and you forgive the condemnation when you read in the next line, " Why here's our fellow Shakespeare puts them all down." To be sure he does, but not even Shakespeare's genius need involve the Alma Mater of Fletcher and Spenser, of Marlowe and Shirley in a general reproach. However, then as now, the poor scholars of Cambridge forgot that learning was an
xxxviii PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. end in itself, and were indignant that a degree was not the instant warranty of bread and cheese. " Banned be those hours," sings Philomusus,
" Banned be those hours when 'mongst the learned throng By Granta's muddy bank we whilom sung."
And, in another style, the complaint might have been uttered yesterday.
Throughout the eighteenth century it was pedantry which filled the scholar's mind with indignation. In all sincerity does Smart deplore the fate of the eagle, that "imperial bird," confined within the court of Trinity College. In all sincerity does Gray write of Cambridge : "the wild beasts of the deserts shall dwell there, and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures, and owls shall build there, and satyrs shall dance there." But this passing displeasure did not drive him from the place, and he spent his life under the shadow of the University, walking head in air along Trumpington Street, and recording with a careful devotion the growth of the flowers in the Pembroke Fellows' Garden. So, too, Byron ridiculed his University, and yet loved it with a constant affection. Though he brought a bear to Trinity, that it should " sit for a fellowship," though he confessed that he quitted Cambridge without regret, he cherished an un- alterable friendship for his " set," and he visited his ancient haunts with a boyish pleasure. You find him supping with
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. xxxix
zest in the company of " jockeys, gamblers, boxers, authors, parsons and poets — a precious mixture, but they go well together," and despite the fever of his life, despite the scandals of London, and the Quixotism of Greece, he still kept at heart something of the undergraduate.
Thus the chorus of dispraise is swelled, until it almost stills the calm, more constant voice of admiration. And strange it is that each generation has believed itself more wisely justified in reproof than its predecessor. Mean- while Cambridge has remained placidly imperturbable. The charge of pedantry was never worth an answer, since pedantry, the amiable defect of scholarship, is inevitable to a seat of learning. When Byron declared that " the in- tellects of her children were as stagnant as her Cam," he meant no more than that tutors and professors lacked the vigour of his own boyish temperament. Yet none recognised more vividly than Byron the worth of Academic ties and College friendships; none more eagerly delighted in the memorable meetings which a sojourn at Cambridge ensures. You pass a contemporary at the other end of the world ; it is a chance encounter, but you are both back by the bank of that same sluggish Cam, which has provided the satirists with as much fun as Madrid's own river. And while even reproof is a cloak to affection, Cambridge has shown herself worthy of the universal regard; for,
xl PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION.
despite the clamour of reform, she has not yet lost her mediaeval character. None the less it is impossible to forget that the last twenty years have seen more change than the four centuries which preceded them. Perhaps it is only the ineradicable habit of reproach that persuades the devout to foresee impending ruin ; doubtless another generation will declare the fears of our own foolish and unjustified. But, in the face of reckless improvement, the habit of censure may well appear a duty; and though the proper perspective is difficult of attainment, the Cambridge of to-day is not the Cambridge of one's undergraduate memory.
For hundreds of years, in truth, it has been a reproach to the University that she confers no practical benefit upon her sons. The reproach, moreover, was honourably justified, since there was a spirit abroad of dogged conservatism which esteemed tradition far more highly than a passing advantage. The merest attempt to pass useful measures was sternly opposed, and the interference of the world out- side was most properly resented. When Dr. Corrie, late Master of Jesus College, was asked his opinion of reform : " In the first place," he replied with excellent dignity, " I trust the commissioners will excuse me for stating it to be my opinion that the present chief want of the University is exemption from the disturbing power of Royal or Parlia- mentary Commissions." But the commission was appointed,
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. xli
and the University to-day is only too practical. She can teach you medicine, if you will, or the homelier art of carpentry. Every year fresh demands are made in the name of chemistry or anatomy, where once Newton's "Principia" and the dead languages were all-sufficient. Nor does Science accept this complacency with gratitude ; she replies with a demand for the extinction of Greek. And worse still, the education once deemed the privilege of the few is extended to the half-intelligent voter of the provinces. In this reason- able atmosphere one cannot expect to find such a head of a house as was honourably described as " not a folio bound in vellum, but, consistent with local requirements, somewhat alive to the delights of rat-catching." And though perhaps at a proper distance, where the unessential differences are no longer visible, the don of to-day may present a perfect re- semblance to the don of yesterday, one is glad to remember Cambridge untouched by commissions, when marriage was prohibited, and when fellows were still found grunting a bitter disapproval to the whole race of undergraduates.
The old don, as one recalls him, lived in a narrow world of his own. Sometimes he was learned, oftener he was not. But his life and experience had forced upon him a character which could not be matched elsewhere in the world. He had a wholesome loyalty to his college, and, if he interpreted his loyalty without much wisdom, it was none the less
xlii PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION.
sincere and dignified. He would browbeat the under- graduate in the traditional tone of intolerance, and withal he would send him a bottle of excellent sherry, that he might pay proper respect to the pious memory of benefactors. He was indifferent to attendance at lectures, yet he sternly insisted upon tranquillity within the college walls. A sports- man, a pedant, a martinet, he knew so little of the outside world, which he visited but seldom, that he was wont to exaggerate his own importance. But the foible was amiable and humorous, and it was so far justified that he belonged to a class which could only exist in a proper atmosphere and under exotic conditions. To admire him, you should have encountered him in his own rooms, or at dinner in hall, and you would have been rewarded by such a wealth of scandal, anecdote, and reminiscence as live only by oral tradition and die with the silence of the tongue.
The don of the future, as he appears to prejudiced and imperfect vision, will preserve neither the qualities nor the defects of his predecessor. No better learned, he will prove far more zealous in the cause of examinations, and will display his loyalty to the college in forcing as many pupils as possible into the class-lists. With him prosperity will seem a good balance-sheet, and if " the Backs " are in the way of a new hostel, " the Backs " must be sacrificed. So familiarly will he live with the outside world that, but
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION. xliii
for a few mannerisms, you will never detect his profession. But the wayward, brusque, unreasonable pedantry of the ancient don will as easily elude his reach as the weighty learning of Burton or Casaubon. So eagerly will he regard the welfare of his pupils, so anxious will he profess himself for their success in the Senate House, that he will sacrifice to lectures the hours that were meant for research, and it is scarcely in a busy University that you will look for learning. Too often will he be persuaded to consecrate his scanty leisure to politics ; and if haply he be an advocate of reform, he cannot excuse himself on the plea that he is defending his University against inapposite attacks. In brief, he may degenerate into a practical, clever, accomplished man of the world ; but, for the sake of picturesqueness, one would prefer that a corner should be kept for such scholars as Burton, who devoted a learned life to the composition of the "Anatomy," and found solace from his study in a war of words with the boatmen on Magdalen Bridge. Yet if the march of progress be not stayed, Person or Shilleto would be as completely out of place in the Cambridge of to-morrow as a tutor who should dine in pink; and the ancient type may exist no more save in biography and in the memory of the devout.
When Bentley was Master of Trinity he led a campaign against the ancient architecture. Had he been furnished with
xliv PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION.
money enough to support his opinion he would have removed from Trinity every trace of the Gothic style. The infamy of his project is proved by the hapless corner upon which he laid an impious hand ; and a Great Court of grey stucco might have been part of his contribution to the history of Cambridge. And they who would wantonly chop and change the existing laws and manners of the University are guilty of precisely the same sin which Dr. Bentley attempted to commit. The zealots who would throw Cambridge open to the populace on the one hand, and to the ladies of Girton and Newnham on the other, cannot gauge the effect of their iconoclasm. They are as ignorant of the future as was Dr. Bentley of architecture. He believed that, if the whole of Cambridge were cut and clipped to the Italian taste of Emmanuel, the world would be refined by another model of perfection. We know to-day that he was wickedly inspired, and we thank the lack of means which rendered him harmless. The modern party of reform is as reckless and harmful as Dr. Bentley. It would lay an idle, unsparing hand upon an institution which, with the imperfections of age thick upon it, deserves as much reverence as an ancient building. If once it be changed, no zeal on earth can restore its former character. Experiment is as hopeless as destruction, and nothing can preserve the world from an iron uniformity
PREFACE TO THE THIDR EDITION. xlv
except a loyal respect for the abuses as well as for the virtues which characterise our ancient Universities.
And perhaps those who sojourn in Cambridge for a while, and return but as birds of passage, see most clearly the disgrace of modern reform. The resident don may grow familiar even unto contempt ; he may believe himself so in- timately a part of the institution which he helps to control that he sees no harm in altering here and docking there. But he, too, passes from the place which he holds in trust for genera- tions yet to come, and he is not held guiltless if from care- lessness or from love of reform he besmirches the face of traditional solemnity. The Cambridge that centuries have known has triumphed alike over universal censure and the ineffective ambition of reformers. Its memory still holds together hundreds who know no common sentiment but a common gratitude; and there is not a better ambition than to preserve the University near to the semblance which it wore when the first stone of Peterhouse was laid. For it is in the larger world outside, not in the cloister of an imperious tradition, that we can best exercise the vague aspirations of politics.
#% Sir George Young has been kind enough to point out that the copy of verses on p. no, entitled "A Letter from M — V — to a friend at Oxford," are indubitably from the hand of Praed. Apart from the internal evidence, the initials are conclusive, for M — V— obviously stand for " Marmaduke Villars," the third with " Peregrine Courtenay " and " Vyvyan Joyeuse" of Praed's contemporary signatures.
IN CAP AND GOWN,
ON THE UNIVERSITY CARRIER,
WHO SICKENED IN THE TlMR OF HIS VACANCY, BEING FORBID TO GO TO LONDON, BY REASON OF THE PLAGUE.
Thomas Hobson, the carrier, to "whom Milton's two poems refer, was born in 1544, and died in 1630. An account of him is given in the " Spectator'1'' (No. 509), where he is said to have been" the first in this island to let out hackney-horses" For many years he carried on this trade, and was so persistent in declining to allow a horse to go out out of its turn, that he gave rise to the proverb " Hobsods choice" His house stood at the north end of the grove of St. Catherine's College, and the yard and stables extended for some distance to the west over the site of the present chapel. Of the several extant portraits of him, one by John Payne represents him holding a money-bag, and has this inscription :
" Laugh not to see so plaine a man in print ;
The Shadow's homely, yet ther's something in't.
Witnes the Bagg he wears, (though seeming poore)
The fertile Mother of a thousand more ;
He was a thriving man, through lawfull Gain,
And wealthy grew by warrantable paine.
Then laugh at them that spend, not them that gather, Like thriveing Sonnes of such a thrifty Father."
Milton, who was admitted to Christ's College in 1625, spent a good many years at Cambridge. One curious tradition with regard to his University career is preserved in Johnson's " Life of Milton." " There is reason to believe,''' writes Johnson, "that Milton was regarded in his college with no great fondness. That he obtained no fellowship is certain ;
B
2 IN CAP AND GOWN.
but the unkindness with -which he was treated was not only negative. I am ashamed to relate what I fear is true, that Milton was one of the last students in either University who suffered the public indignity of corporal punishment. "
HERE lies old Hobson. Death hath broke his girt,
And here, alas ! hath laid him in the dirt ;
Or else, the ways being foul, twenty to one
He's here stuck in a slough, and overthrown.
'Twas such a shifter, that if truth were known,
Death was half glad when he had got him down ;
For he had, any time this ten years full,
Dodg'd with him betwixt Cambridge and The Bull.
And surely Death could never have prevail'd,
Had not his weekly course of carriage fail'd ;
But lately, finding him so long at home,
And thinking now his journey's end was come,
And that he had ta'en up his latest inn,
In the kind office of a chamberlin,
Show'd him his room where he must lodge that night,
Pull'd off his boots, and took away the light.
If any ask for him, it shall be said,
" Hobson has supp'd, and 's newly gone to bed."
ANOTHER ON THE SAME.
Here lieth one who did most truly prove
That he could never die while he could move ;
So hung his destiny, never to rot
While he might still jog on and keep his trot ;
Made of sphere-metal, never to decay
Until his revolution was at stay.
Time numbers motion, yet (without a crime
'Gainst old truth) motion number'd out his time ;
ON THE UNIVERSITY CARRIER. 3
And, like an engine moved with wheel and weight,
His principles being ceased, he ended straight.
Rest, that gives all men life, gave him his death,
And too much breathing put him out of breath ;
Nor were it contradiction to affirm
Too long vacation hasten'd on his term.
Merely to drive the time away he sicken'd,
Fainted, and died, nor would with ale be quicken'd.
" Nay," quoth he, on his swooning bed outstretch'd,
" If I mayn't carry, sure I'll ne'er be fetch'd ;
But vow, though the cross doctors all stood hearers,
For one carrier put down to make six bearers."
Ease was his chief disease ; and to judge right,
He died for heaviness that his cart went light ;
His leisure told him that his time was come,
And lack of load made his life burdensome,
That e'en to his last breath (there be that say 't),
As he were press'd to death, he cried, " More weight ! "
But had his doings lasted as they were,
He had been an immortal carrier.
Obedient to the moon he spent his date
In course reciprocal, and had his fate
Link'd to the mutual flowing of the seas ;
Yet, strange to think, his wain was his increase.
His letters are deliver'd all, and gone ;
Only remains this superscription.
JOHN MILTON.
CAP AND GOWN:
ON THE FALL OF THE MITRE TA VERN IN CAMBRIDGE.
Thomas Randolph, the author of this and the following poem , entered Trinity College in 1623, at the age of nineteen. He afterwards obtained a fellowship and commenced Master of Arts, in which degree he was incorporated at Oxford. He died in 1634. The two poems given here were first printed in "A Crew of Kind London Gossips " (1663). The Mitre Tavern stood at the south end of the site now occupied by the screen of Kings College. This fact is referred to in the tenth stanza ; Eton's "own College" of course, being King's. The fire took place in 1633, but the house was shortly after rebuilt, and was a popular resort of undergraduates in the time of Smart. Randolph, in " Aristippus and the Conceited Pedlar," makes the following reference to the alehouses of Cambridge: " Generous gentlemen, such is my affection to Phoebus, and the ninetie-nine Muses, that for the benefit of this Royal Universitie, I have strodled over three terrestriall globes with my geometricall rambling, viz. the Asia of the Dolphin, the Afrique of the Rose, the America of the Mitre, besides the terra incognita of many an Alehouse. " In another passage he calls Hamon, Wolfe, and Farlowe, the landlords of the Dolphin, Rose, and Mitre, respectively, "the three best Tutors in the Universities."
LAMENT, lament, ye Scholars all,
Each wear his blackest Gown, The Mitre, that held up your wits,
Is now itself fain down.
The dismal fire on London Bridge
Can move no heart of mine : For that but o'er the water stood,
But this stood o'er the wine.
ON THE FALL OF THE MITRE TAVERN. 5
It needs must melt each Christian heart
That this sad newes but hears, To think how the good Hogsheads wept
Good Sack, and Claret tears.
The zealous students of the place
Change of Religion fear, That this mischance may soon bring in
A heresie of beer.
Unhappy Mitre ! I would know
The cause of this sad hap : Came it by making legs too low
To Pembroke's Cardinal Cap?1
Then know thyself, and cringe no more,
Since Popery went down, That Cap should vail to thee, for now
The Mitre's next the Crown !
Or was't because our company
Did not frequent your Cell, As we were wont, to cure these cares
Thou fox'dst thyself, and fell ?
No, sure, the Devil was adry,
And caus'd this fatal blow ; Twas he that made the Cellar sink,
That he might drink below !
1 The Cardinal's Cap was the sign of a tavern which stood opposite Pembroke College, where the Pitt Press now is, and was still in exist- ence at the end of the eighteenth century.
IN CAP AND GOWN.
Yet, though some say, the Devil did it,
That he might drink up all ; I rather think the Pope was drunk,
And let his Mitre fall.
Lament, ye Eton conjurers,
The want of skill acknowledge : To let your Tavern fall, which stood
At th' walls of your own College.
Let the Rose with the Falcon molt,
While Sam * enjoy es his wishes ; The Dolphin too must cast her Crown :
Wine was not made for Fishes.
That Sign a Tavern best becomes, That shows who loves Wine best;
The Mitre's then the only Sign, For that's the scholar's Crest.
Then drink sack, Sam, and cheer thy heart :
Be not dismay'd at all : For we will drink it up again,
Though ourselves do catch a fall.
We'll be thy workmen day and night,
In spite of bugbear Proctors : We drank like freshmen all before,
But now we'll drink like doctors.
THOMAS RANDOLPH.
1 The landlord.
( 7
THE TOWNSMEN'S PETITION OF CAMBRIDGE.
We have been unable to discover the date of the dispute betzveen the Town and Gown referred to in the " Townsmen's Petition" nor do we know the precise ground of q^^arreL There is, however, no doubt that, in the early part of the seventeenth century, the townsmen of Cambridge thoiight they had a grievance, and were anxious, by adding to their own dignity, to cope with the arrogance (stipposedor real} of the undergraduates. Another poem of Randolph's, which, like the one given here, is printed in "A Crew of Kind London Gossips" (1663), begins:
" The Town of Cambridge now They say shall be a City."
Now Scholars look unto it,
For you will all be undon ; For the last week, you know it,
The Towns-men rid to London : The Mayor, if he thrives,
Hath promised, on his word, The King a pair of Knives,
If he'll give him a Sword ; That he may put the Beadles down,
And walk in worship here, And kill all Scholars in the town
That thus do domineer. And then unto the Court
They do themselves repair, To make the King some sport,
And all his Nobles there.
IN CAP AND GOWN.
He down upon his knee,
Both he and they together ; A Sword, he cryes, good King give me,
That I may cut a feather. There's none at all I have at home,
Will fit my hand, I swear ; But one of yours will best become
A Sword to domineer. These Scholars keep such wreaks.
As makes us all afeard, That if to them a Towns-man speaks,
They will pull off his beard : But if your Grace such licence gives,
Then let us all be dead, If each of us had not as lieve
He should pull off his head. They call us silly drunkards too,
We know not why, nor where ; All this, and more than this, they do,
'Cause they will domineer. A speech if I do make,
That hath much learning in't, A Scholar comes to take,
And sets it out in print ; We dare not touch them for our lives,
Good King, have pity on us, For first they play upon our Wives,
And then make songs upon us. Would we had power to put,
And turn on them the jeer ; Then we would do the best we could,
But we would domineer. They stand much on their wit,
We know not what it is,
THE TOWNSMEN'S PETITION OF CAMBRIDGE. 9
But surely, had we liked it,
We had got some of this. But since it will no better be,
We are constrain'd to frame Petitions to your Majesty,
These witty ones to tame. A sword would scare them all, I say,
And put them in great fear ; A sword of you, good King, we pray,
That we may domineer. Which if your Grace permits,
We'll make them look about 'em ; But yet they have such pleasant wits,
We cannot live without 'em. They have such pretty arguments,
i To run upon our score ; They say fair words, and good intents
Are worth twice as much more. And that a clown is highly grac't,
To sit a Scholar near ; And thus we are like fools out-fac't,
And they do domineer. Now if you will renew
To us your Grace's Charter, We'll give a ribbon blew
To some Knight of the Garter. A Cap also we want,
And Maintenance much more ; And yet these Scholars brag and vaunt,
As if they had good store. But not a penny we can see,
Save once in twice 7 year : They say it is no policy,
Drunkards should domineer.
io IN CAP AND GOWN.
Now reason, reason cries, Alas,
Good Lord-lings, mark it well, A Scholar told me that it was
A perfect parallel. Their case and ours so equal stand
As in a way-scale true, A pound of Candles on each hand,
Will neither higher shew. Then prithee listen to my speech,
As thou shalt after hear : And then I doubt it not, my Liege,
But we shall domineer. Vice-Chancellors they have,
And we have Mayors wise, With Proctors and with Taskers grave,
Our Bayliffs you may size : Their silver Staves keep much adoe,
Much more our silver Maces ; And some think that our Serjeant too,
Their Beadle-Squires out-faces. And if we had a Sword I think
Along the street to bear, 'Twould make the proudest of them shrink,
And we should domineer : They've Patrons of Nobility,
And we have our partakers ; They've Doctors of Divinity,
And we have Basket-makers : Their Heads, our brethren dear,
Their Fellows, our householders Shall match them, and we think to bear
Them down by head and shoulders. A sword give us, O King, we pray,
That we may top them there ;
THE TOWNSMEN'S PETITION OF CAMBRIDGE, n
Since every Dog must have its day,
Let us once domineer. When they had made the King to laugh,
And see one kiss his hand ; Then little mirth they make, as if
His mind they understand. Avoid the room, an Usher cryes,
The King will private sup ; And so they all came down like fools,
As they before went up. They cry'd, God bless his Majesty;
And then no doubt they sware, They'l have the Town made a City,
And here so domineer. But wot ye what the King did think,
And what his meaning was ; I vow unto you by this drink,
A rare device he has : His Majesty hath pen'd it,
That they'l be ne're the better ; And so he means to send it,
All in a Latine Letter, Which when it comes for to be read,
It plainly will appear, The Townsmen they must hang the head,
And the Scholars must domineer.
THOMAS RANDOLPH.
12 IN CAP AND GOWN.
ON THE UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE'S BURNING THE DUKE OF MONMOUTH'S PICTURE, 1685, WHO WAS FORMERLY THEIR CHANCELLOR.
IN ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION —
" Sed quid
Turba Remi ? sequitur fortunam et semper et odit Damnatos."
On July 3, 1685, it was ordered, by a grace of the Senate, that the picture of the Duke of Monmouth, which had been taken down from the Senate House on his being deprived of the Chancellorship in 1682, should be burnt by the Yeoman Bedel; and on the nth of the same month another grace zvas passed^ ordering that the dukJs name should be taken out of all catalogues of University officers. This action on the part of the Senate suggested the following verses, which were written by George Stepney, and published in the " State Poems" (1697). George Stepney was educated at Westminster and Trinity College, Cambridge, where he took his degree as B.A. in 1685. After leaving Cambridge he deserted the muses for politics, and died in 1 707. The Vice- Chancellor referred to in the poem was Dr. Blythe, Master of Clare Hall, while Tite Tillet is Titus Tillet, the Yeoman Bedel. In the University accounts for the year ending Michaelmas, 1685, is found the following entry , " To Titus Tillet, for porterage and faggots to burne Monmouttts picture in the Schooles, I or. od."
YES, fickle Cambridge, Perkins found this true, Both from your Rabble and your Doctors too, With what applause you once receiv'd his Grace, And begg'd a Copy of his Godlike Face ; But when the sage Vice-Chancellor was sure
THE DUKE OF MONMOUTffS PICTURE. 13
The Original in Limbo lay secure,
As greasy as himself he sends a Lictor
To vent his Loyal Malice on the Picture.
The Beadle's Wife endeavours all she can
To save the Image of the tall young man,
Which she so oft when pregnant did embrace.
That with strong thoughts she might improve her race ;
But all in vain, since the wise House conspire
To damn the Canvas Tray tor to the Fire,
Lest it, like Bones of Scanderbeg, incite
Scythe-men next Harvest to renew the fight.
Then in comes Mayor Eagle, and does gravely alledge, He'll subscribe (if he can) for a bundle of Sedge ; But the man of Clare-hall that proffer refuses, 'Snigs, he'll be beholden to none but the Muses : And orders ten Porters to bring the dull Reams On the Death of good Charles, and Crowning of James ; And swears he will borrow of the Provost more stuff On the Marriage of Ann, if that ben't enough. The Heads lest he get all the profit t' himself (Too greedy of honour, too lavish of pelf) This motion deny, and vote that Tite Tillet Should gather from each noble Doctor a Billet. The Kindness was common, and so they'd return it, The Gift was to all, all therefore would burn it : Thus joining their Stocks for a Bonfire together, As they club for a Cheese in the Parish of Chedder ; Confusedly crowd on the Sophs and the Doctors, The Hangman, the Townsmen, their Wives and the Proctors, While the Troops from each part of the Countries in all, Come to quaff his Confusion in Bumpers of stale. But Rosalin, never unkind to a Duke, Does by her absence their folly rebuke, The tender Creature could not see his fate,
14 IN CAP AND GOWN.
With whom she 'ad danc'd a Minuet so late.
The Heads, who never could hope for such frames,
Out of envy condemn'd Sixscore pounds to the flames,
Then his Air was too proud, and his Features amiss,
As if being a Traytor had alter'd his Phiz :
So the Rabble of Rome, whose favour ne'er settles,
Melt down their Sejanus to Pots and Brass Kettles.
GEORGE STEPNEY.
C 15 )
EPIGRAM.
In 171=; George I. purchased from Dr. Moore, Bishop of Ely, a collec- tion of thirty thousand volumes, and presented them to the University of Cambridge. By this munificent gift the number of books in the University Library was more than doubled. About the same time a troop of horse was sent to Oxford to arrest Colonel Owen and some other Jacobites. When the king 's present was sent to Cambridge, the following epigram appeared from the pen of an Oxford man, probably Dr. Joseph Trapp, or Tom Wharton the elder.
KING GEORGE, observing with judicious eyes
The state of both his Universities,
To Oxford sent a troop of horse ; and why ?
That learned body wanted loyalty.
To Cambridge books he sent, as well discerning
How much that loyal body wanted learning.
Sir Thomas Browne, of St. Peter's College, a Whig, and the founder of the Epigram medals, retorted with these lines, which, according to Mrs. Thrale3 were improvised in answer to Dr. Johnson's glorification of Oxford:'
The king to Oxford sent a troop of horse, For Tories know no argument but force ; With equal skill to Cambridge books he sent, For Whigs admit no force but argument.
16 JN CAP AND GOWN.
"ANGUSTAM AMICE PA UPERIEM PA 77.".
Dr. Richard Bentley (1662-1742), classical scholar and critic, came of a family of Yorkshire yeomen. In 1676, when only fourteen years of age, he entered St. John's College, Cambridge, and graduated as B. A. in 1680. For some years he acted as tutor to the son of Bishop Stilling fleet, whose chaplain he became, on his ordination, in 1690. In 1697 he published his famous "Dissertation" on the letters of Phalaris, which concluded a controversy of some years' duration with the Hen. Charles Boyle. In 1699 he was appointed Master of Trinity College, on which occasion he is said to have quoted the text, " By the help of my God have I leaped over the wall," alluding to the proximity of Trinity and St. John's Colleges. For the next thirty-eight years he was engaged in an acrimonious warfare with the fellows of his college, into the merits of which we need not here enter.
We give the solitary specimen of his poetical composition, praised by Dr. Johnson as " the forcible verses of a man of a strong mind, but not accustomed to write verse ; for there is some uncouthness in the expres- sion." The verses were written in 1722, as a parody on an under- graduated imitation of Horace's ode, "Angustam amice pauperiem pati" in which the happiness of a student's career was extolled. The poem was originally printed in " The Grove," %vo, London, 1721.
Woodward, referred to in line 8, is Dr. Woodward, who by his will, dated 1727, founded and endowed the Woodwardian professorship of geology. Whiston, who is chosen by Bentley as a typical theologian, had, when these verses were written, been recently expelled from the University for holding Arian views.
WHO strives to mount Parnassus' hill,
And thence poetic laurels bring, Must first acquire due force and skill,
Must fly with swan's, or eagle's, wing.
" ANGUSTAM AMICE PAUPERISM PATJ." 17
Who Nature's treasures would explore
Her mysteries and arcana know, Must high, as lofty NEWTON, soar,
Must stoop, as delving WOODWARD, low.
Who studies ancient laws and rites, Tongues, arts, and arms, all history,
Must drudge, like SELDEN, days and nights, And in the endless labour die.
Who travels in religious jars,
Truth mixed with errors, shade with rays, Like WHISTON, wanting pyx and stars,
In ocean wide or sinks, or strays.
But grant, our hero's hopes, long toil,
And comprehensive genius, crown, All sciences, all arts, his spoil,
Yet what reward, or what renown ?
ENVY innate in vulgar souls,
Envy steps in, and stops his rise ; Envy with poison'd tarnish fouls
His lustre, and his worth decries.
Inglorious, or by wants enthrall'd, To college, and old books, confin'd ;
A pedant from his learning call'd, Dunces advanc'd, he's left behind :
Yet left content, a genuine Stoic he,
Great without patron, rich without South-Sea.
RICHARD BENTLEY.
1 8 IN CAP AND GOWN.
UPON DR. BENT LEY, MASTER OF TRINITY COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE.
It is said that, in 1724, Bentley, on going to chapel, found the lock of the master's stall so rusty that it would not open. This incident lent colour to the charge, broitght against him some years later, that jor a long time he had never once attended chapel. The verses here quoted, •which were written at the time the incident happened, are printed in Granger and Noble's "Biographical History of England" -vol. Hi. (1806). A soph, or, to be more precise, a senior soph, is an under- graduate in his last year.
ZOILUS, tir'd with turning o'er Dull indexes, a precious store, For ease to chapel took his way, Resolv'd to take a nap or pray. Proceeding slow in solemn state, Forward he marches to his seat. But, oh ! the lock, long since disus'd, T' admit the holy man refus'd ! The virger tugs with fruitless pains, The rust invincible remains. Who can describe his woful plight, Plac'd thus in view, in fullest light, A spectacle of mirth, expos'd To sneering friends and giggling foes. Then first, as 'tis from fame receiv'd, (But fame can't always be believed,)
UPON DR. BENTLEY.
A blush, the sign of new-born grace,
Gleamed through the horrors of his face.
He held it shameful to retreat,
And worse, to take a lower seat.
The virger soon, with nimble round,
At once vaults o'er the wooden mound,
And gives the door a furious knock,
Which forced the disobedient lock.
Then Zoilus ent'ring in confusion,
His elbows placing on a cushion,
Devoutly loll'd in musing deep,
Unable now to pray or sleep,
Some words imperfect mumbled o'er :
The wicked Sophs declare he swore,
That none should e'er for seven years' space
Again behold him in that place.
What then ? 'tis plain, in strictest truth,
Religiously he kept his oath.
20 IN CAP AND GOWN.
THE CANTAB.
Vincent Bourne, who, as a writer of Latin verse, had no rival among his contemporaries, was educated at Westminster and Trinity College, Cambridge, where he took his B.A. degree in 1717. He was afterwards Cowper's master at Westminster ; and Cowper, who, as he said, "had an affection for the memory of Vinny Bourne," translated a considerable number of his poems into English. Charles Lamb, too, had a sincere admiration for Bourne, and Englished some of the most polished of his verses. We reprint here two of Cowper's translations, and one of LamUs*.
WITH two spurs or one, and no great matter which,
Boots bought, or boots borrow'd, a whip or a switch,
Five shillings or less for the hire of his beast,
Paid part into hand : — you must wait for the rest.
Thus equipt, Academicus climbs up his horse,
And out they both sally for better or worse ;
His heart void of fear, and as light as a feather ;
And in violent haste to go not knowing whither :
Through the fields and the towns (see !) he scampers along,
And is look'd at and laugh'd at by old and by young.
Till at length overspent, and his sides smear'd with blood,
Down tumbles his horse, man and all in the mud.
In a waggon or chaise shall he finish his route ?
Oh ! scandalous fate ! he must do it on foot.
Young gentlemen, hear ! — I am older than you ! The advice that I give I have proved to be true : Wherever your journey may be, never doubt it, The faster you ride, you're the longer about it.
VINCENT BOURNE (translated by W. COWPER).
SPA RR 0 WS SELF - D OMES TIC A TED IN TRINITY COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE.
NONE ever shared the social feast, Or as an inmate or a guest, Beneath the celebrated dome Where once Sir Isaac had his home, Who saw not (and with some delight Perhaps he view'd the novel sight) How numerous, at the tables there, The sparrows beg their daily fare. For there, in every nook and cell Where such a family may dwell, Sure as the vernal season comes Their nest they weave in hopes of crumbs, Which kindly given, may serve with food Convenient their unfeather'd brood ; And oft as with its summons clear The warning bell salutes their ear, Sagacious listeners to the sound, They flock from all the fields around, To reach the hospitable hall, None more attentive to the call. Arrived, the pensionary band, Hopping and chirping, close at hand, Solicit what they soon receive, The sprinkled, plenteous donative.
22 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Thus is a multitude, though large,
Supported at a trivial charge ;
A single doit would overpay
The expenditure of every day ;
And who can grudge so small a grace
To suppliants, natives of the place ?
VINCENT BOURNE (translated by W. COWPER).
NEWTON'S PRINCIPIA.
GREAT Newton's self, to whom the world's in debt, Owed to School Mistress sage his Alphabet ; But quickly wiser. than his Teacher grown, Discovered properties to her unknown j Of A plus B, or minus, learn'd the use, Known Quantities from unknown to educe ; And made — no doubt to that old dame's surprise— The Christ- Cross-Row his Ladder to the skies. Yet, whatsoe'er Geometricians say, Her Lessons were his true PRINCIPIA !
VINCENT BOURNE (translated by CHARLES LAMB).
24 IN CAP AND GOWN.
ON THE MASTERS OF CLARE HALL AND CAIUS (OR KEYS) COLLEGE.
Sir Thomas Gooch, Bart., and Bishop successively of Bristol, A'orwich, and Ely, was Master of Gonville and Caius College from 1716 to 1754. John Wikox was Master of Clare from 1736 to 1762. 7 his epigram is printed in Nichols" "Select Collection of Poems" (1780-82), vol. vii. p. 226.
SAYS Gooch to old Wilcox, " Come take t'other bout." "'Tis late," says the Master, "I'll not be lock'd out." " Mere stuff," cries the Bishop, " stay as long as you please ; What signify gates ? Arn't 1 master of Keys ? "
A DIALOGUE IN THE SENATE HOUSE AT CAMBRIDGE.
In 1745 Mr. Burrell, afterwards Baron Gwydir, presented a statue to the University, which he called ' ' Academic Glory. " It was the work of an Italian sculptor, named Baratta, and was executed in 1715. It had stood at Canons, near the Duke of Marlboroiigh1 s figure, in honour of his military victories. It was placed on the soiith side of the Senate House, opposite the statue of George I. After it had stood there about three years a grace was proposed:
" That whereas the statue called ' Glory* had been put up without any decree of the senate first had, that the thanks of the University should be given to Peter Burrell, Esq., for the said statue, and that it should be removed out of the Senate House and placed where the syndics for the library should think proper ;"
7 his grace was rejected, and two days later a grace to return thanks to Mr. Burrell was passed. Thus the statue remained in the Senate House. The dispute was dtte to political considerations. It was said that the statue did not represent " Glory," but was a portrait of Queen Anne, and on this ground strenuous opposition was offered by the Whigs to its remaining in the Senate House. The statue is now in the Fitz- william Museum.
The "Dialogue in the Senate House" is printed in Nichols1 "Illustra- tions of Literature," vol. i. pp. 66, 67, where it is ascribed to the father of Mr. Jiistice Hardmge.
" Anne si ey's friend, who Learning's Giant slew" is the Sir Thomas Gooch mentioned in the last poem, "Learning's Giant''1 bang Dr. Bent ley. In the year 1718, when Sir Thomas was Vice- Chancellor, Bentley was deprived of all his degrees. On the occasion of a visit of George /. to Cambridge, the honorary degree of D.D. was conferred on several members of the University. Bentley, the Regius Professor of Divinity, demanded from each of them the additional fee of £$. Conyers Middleton, one of those on whom the degree was conferred, paid his
26 IN CAP AND GOWN.
.£4, and then sued Bentley for it in the Vice- Chancellor's Court. Bentley declined to refund the money, and though bail was given for his appearartce, he did not answer the summons. Bentley *s degrees were then taken away from him, and thotigh this was an illegal act, they were not recovered for six years.
Daniel Wray, referred to in the latter part of 'the poem , was supposed to have been the chief advocate for the expulsion of the statue from the Senate House. Yet, in a letter to his friend, Mr. Yorke, he disclaims the "Iconoclasts."
Stranger. Whose is this image ? — Beadle. ACADEMIC GLORY.
S. Is she a maid or matron ? Whig, or Tory ? What quarry could produce so huge a block ? What engines heave her from her native rock ? What vehicle the pond'rous marble bear ? Who bought her, who transform'd, who plac'd her there ?
JB. Who plac'd her there ? A mason. — S. Whose design Contriv'd her statue's architecture ? — B. Mine.
S. Who thus her pedestal with Latin grac'd ? Who taught her thus to speak in words unchaste ? " Come all, come all, partake my ample treasure, Who best deserve the palm ! M1 Is that her pleasure ? Her youths invites she thus ? — B. The line, they say, Is borrow'd, word for word, from Virgil's lay. Poems I study not ; I seek, I own, Vitruvian art, Vitruvian style alone ; But to myjohnian friends I give due credit, And they in Virgil or in Maro read it. Virgil unchaste ! Is your's a true translation ? You differ surely from the congregation !
S. The congregation, Sir ! Did Alma Mater A deity by solemn grace create her ? And place her opposite to George's view, Fix'd in the place to George the Second due ?
1 " Cuncti adsunt, meritaeque expectant praemia palmae.
A DIALOGUE IN THE SENATE HOUSE. 27
B. Some mysteries, from anxious eyes conceal'd, To Clerks alone and Churchmen are reveal'd. Though Whigs and Wits her origin suspected, And still enquire by whom she's thus erected, Faction, to shake her base, conspires in vain ; A deity she is and must remain. What though, her brawny limbs and stately size, Taste, and vertu, and elegance despise, To us her shape unzoned, unclasped with boddice, And more than Virgin stride, proclaim the Goddess.1
S. To Diaris image thus, with pomp array'd, Their glowing vows Ephesian zealots paid ; Though conscious whence the fusile ore was brought, What craftsman's skill the ductile figure wrought, The work divine with transport they commended, Which, as they feign'd, from Jove himself descended.
B. What Glory was, why seek her sons to know ? See what alluring gifts she offers now / Caps to the learn'd, a mitre to the sleek, And white-glov'd Chaplain, who forgets his Greek ; To Heads, repose : to Bards, Parnassian bays ; To all, or worthy or unworthy, praise.
6". What mean those types that lurk beneath her feet, Emblems ill-hid by ignorant deceit ? What means that civic crown ? Are these, rewards For sage Divines, Philosophers, and Bards ?
B. Nor smiles on these alone the Goddess ; she, Propitious Queen ! some boon reserves for me. If Anneslefs friend, who Learning's Giant slew, A convert deem'd, preferred to honours new, Laughs in his sleeve of lawn, and shakes his sides, Eats, drinks, and marries, age and care derides,
1 " Vera incessu patuit Dea" (Virgil).
28 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Why may not I, by her caress inspir'd, By jovial port, and just ambition fir'd, Claim from her patroness an equal grace, And for a Headship change the Beadle's mace ?
S. Her gifts I envy not ; but wonder more So partially she deals her bounty's store ; HARDiNGE,1 whose merit friends and foes confess'd, By her repulse defeated, sinks oppress'd.
B. So perish all, who insolently dare, Snatch'd from our champion's crest, a plume to wear ! Those frantic foes, who late, with towering pride, The Church, the Prince, and Rutherforth defied, Now in luxurious ease supinely sleep, Nor discipline retain, nor vigils keep : We, in firm phalanx join'd, a chosen few, With scattered troops successful war renew ; Rise by defeat, and, from the victor's brow, Steal the fresh garland of his Delphic bough, Triumphal wreaths around our temples twine, And consecrate our spoils at Glory's shrine.
S. And what if Granta, rous'd by honest shame, Should haply wake, and vindicate her fame ; Precipitate this Demon from her throne, And vengefully eject this load of stone !
B. Urg'd by unjust reproof, I shall unfold A tale, perhaps not lawful to be told. Her from the solid substance, vast and rude, First into Fame a painful sculptor hew'd ; Her head a trumpet, wings her shoulders bore, This wrinkled robe thus channel'd then she wore ; Deck'd with fit attributes in front and rear,
1 The author of this poem, and in jest the hero of his own eloge, had a dispute at this time with the University respecting the non-performance of a divinity exercise.
A DIALOGUE IN THE SENATE HOUSE. 29
Expos'd to view, she charm'd a gazing Peer ; l
Who only disapprov'd her wings and trump,
And made some small objections to the rump.
These faults corrected, straight at Canons rear'd,
Mix'd in a grove of statues she appear'd;
There MarlborougKs form she lovingly beheld,
And, wreathed for him, a civic chaplet held :
But when, invoked by Cocks' 2 enchanting tone,
As at Amphiorfs call, each sculptur'd stone
Obsequious trembled at his hammer's sound,
And fled, so summon'd, that unhappy ground,
A youth,8 to Phoebus, and the Muses dear,
At Grantds voice who lent the filial ear ;
To her the destin'd gift this idol bought,
And at her feet his votive image brought,
In doubt at first, what Nymph's, what Heroine's name,
What Queen's was best adapted to the Dame ;
At length, by vote unanimous, we made her
A Sovereign Goddess, and as such display'd her :
But, fearing lest the Senate should disown,
As George's friends, his Adversary's stone,
Inscribed with bits of verse and scraps of prose,
(The verse at least is classical) we chose
To make and call her ACADEMIC GLORY,
Still in disguise a Queen, and still a Tory.
S. Approved the Senate this transfiguration, Or licens'd by decree the consecration ?
B. Not by decree ; but when malignant WRAY,*
1 Duke of Chandos.
2 Cocks, the celebrated auctioneer of his day, was employed in the sale of Canons and its superb furniture, in the dilapidation of that mag- nificent mansion.
3 Peter Burrell, Esq., of St. John's.
4 Daniel Wray entered Queen's College as a fellow-commoner in
30 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Eager in hope, impatient of delay,
A dapper, pert, loquacious, busy elf,
More active for the public than himself,
Ran to and fro with anxious looks, and prated,
And mov'd she might from hence be soon translated,
Dissenting from their friends, a wise majority
Supported us, and her, by their authority :
And who shall now remove her from the scene,
Or dare to drive her from the Muses ? — S. Keened
So when the father of his country fled,
By fear of tribunitial rage misled,
On exil'd Cicero's devoted floor
Clodius upraised his Tanagraean whore :
Th' indignant Senate saw, with patriot eyes,
A harlot cloath'd in Liberty's disguise :
But, when again to Latian skies restor'd,
Her joy and guardian grateful Rome ador'd,
Their ancient seat, by her abode profaned,
His household gods with dignity regained.
NICHOLAS HARDINGE.
1718, graduated as M.A. in 1728, and for many years resided in Cam- bridge.
1 Vice-Chancellor in 1750, aftei wards successively Bishop of Chester and of Ely.
ON TAKING A BACHELOR'S DEGREE.
IN ALLUSION TO HORACE, BK. in. OD. 30 — "Exegi monumentum acre perennius."
Christopher Smart (i7'22-i77o) was admitted to Pembroke Hall in 1739, graduated as J5.A. in 1743, and two years later was elected to a fellowship at his college. In 1753 he qititted Cambridge, having previously married Miss Carman. While at the University, in addition to many sacred poems, written for the Seatonian Prize, Smart wrote a good deal of occasional verse, contributing to " The Student, or Oxford and Cambridge Miscellany," and editing, with Newbery> " The Midwife, or the Old Woman 's Magazine. n
The former periodical first appeared on Jamiary 31, 1750, and came to an end in the July of the next year. In addition to Smart, Bonnel Thornton and Thomas Wharton contributed to it, while a "Life of Dr. Francis Cheynell" was from the hand of Dr. Johnson. 7 he five toems which follow appeared in it.
The second stanza of the poem, " On taking a Bachelor's Degree," has, curiously enough, proved to be prophetic, for it is not much more than a year ago that Mr. Gosse successfully searched the buttery books of Pembroke College for records of Christopher Smart's University career.
In order to qualify for a bachelor's degree in former times, under- gi-aduates had to dispute, or "keep acts," in the schools. The official who presided at these disputations was termed a " moderator"
'Tis done : I tow'r to that degree,
And catch such heav'nly fire, That Horace ne'er could rank like me,
Nor is King's chapel higher.'-'
1 "Kegali situ pyramidum altius."
32 /-V CAP AND GOWN'.
My name in sure recording page
Shall time itself o'erpow'r,1 If no rude mice with envious rage
The buttery books devour.
A title,2 too, with added grace, My name shall now attend,
Till to the church with silent pace A nymph and priest ascend.3
Ev'n in the schools I now rejoice, Where late I shook with fear,
Nor heed the Moderator's voice Loud thundering in my ear.4
Then with ^Eolian flute I blow
A soft Italian lay,5 Or where Cam's scanty waters flow,8
Releas'd from lectures stray.
Meanwhile, friend Banks,7 my merits claim Their just reward from you,
For Horace bids us challenge fame, When once that fame's our due.8
1 " Quod non . . . innumerabilis
Annorum series."
2 Bachelor.
3 " Dum Capitolium Scandet cum tacita virgine pontifex."
4 " Qua violens obstrepit Aufidus."
" Aeolium carmen ad Italos Deduxisse modos."
6 " Qua pauper aquae Daunus," etc.
7 A celebrated tailor.
8 " Sume superbiam Quaesitam meritis. "
ON TAKING A BACHELOR'S DEGREE. 33
Invest me with a graduate's gown,
Midst shouts of all beholders, My head with ample square-cap crown,1 And deck with hood my shoulders.
B.A.
(C. SMART.) CAMBRIDGE.
1 "Mihi Delphic^.
Lauro cinge volens . . . comain."
34 W CAP AND
ON AN EAGLE CONFINED IN A COLLEGE COURT.
Christopher Smart is scarcely more kindly in his references to college life than Gray, whose condemnation of his University is to be found on 4>. 46. The Bursar's accounts at 7rinify College for 1744-45, 1745-46, during which years Smart was residing in Cambridge, record expenses for a trough and chain "/or the eagle" This entry gives an unexpected actuality to Smart's verses.
IMPERIAL bird, who wont to soar
High o'er the rolling cloud, Where Hyperborean mountains hoar
Their heads in ether shroud ; Thou servant of almighty Jove, Who, free and swift as thought, could'st rove
To the bleak north's extremest goal ; Thou, who magnanimous could'st bear The sovereign thund'rer's arms in air,
And shake thy native pole !
Oh, cruel fate ! what barbarous hand,
What more than Gothic ire, At some fierce tyrant's dread command,
To check thy daring fire, Has plac'd thee in this servile cell, Where Discipline and Dulness dwell,
ON AN EAGLE CONFINED IN A COLLEGE COUR7. 35
Where Genius ne'er was seen to roam ; Where ev'ry selfish soul's at rest, Nor ever quits the carnal breast,
But lurks and sneaks at home !
Tho' dim'd thy eye, and clipt thy wing,
So grov'ling ! once so great ! The grief-inspired Muse shall sing
In tend'rest lays thy fate. What time by thee scholastic Pride Takes his precise, pedantic stride,
Nor on thy mis'ry casts a care, The stream of love ne'er from his heart Hows out, to act fair pity's part ;
But stinks, and stagnates there.
Yet useful still, hold to the throng —
Hold the reflecting glass, — That not untutor'd at thy wrong
The passenger may pass. Thou type of wit and sense confm'd, Cramp'd by the oppressors of the mind,
Born to look downward on the ground ; Type of the fall of Greece and Rome ; While more than mathematic gloom
Envelopes all around.
C. SMART,
36 IN CAP AND GOWN.
THE PRETTY BAR-KEEPER OF THE MITRE.
This poem -was written at college in 1741, and published in " The Oxford and Cambridge Miscellany" An explanation of the Johniarts " snout " will be found in the Introduction. For the Mitre 'lavern^ see p. 4.
" RELAX, sweet girl, your wearied mind,
And to hear the poet talk, Gentlest creature of your kind,
Lay aside your sponge and chalk ; Cease, cease the bar bell, nor refuse To hear the jingle of the Muse.
" Hear your numerous vot'ries' prayers, Come, O come, and bring with thee
Giddy whimsies, wanton airs, And all love's soft artillery ;
Smiles and throbs, and frowns and tears,
With all the little hopes and fears."
She heard — she came — and e'er she spoke,
Not unravish'd you might see Her wanton eyes that wink'd the joke,
Ere her tongue could set it free. "While a forc'd blush her cheeks inflam'd, And seemed to say she was asham'd.
THE PRETTY BAR-KEEPER OF THE MITRE. 37
No handkerchief her bosom hid,
No tippet from our sight debars Her heaving breasts with moles o'erspread,
Mark'd, little hemispheres, with stars ; While on them all our eyes we move, Our eyes that meant immoderate love.
In every gesture, every air,
Th' imperfect lisp, the languid eye,
In every motion of the fair We awkward imitators vie,
And, forming our own from her face,
Strive to look pretty as we gaze.
If e'er she sneer'd, the mimic crowd Sneer'd too, and all their pipes laid down ;
If she but stoop'd, we lowly bow'd, And sullen if she 'gan to frown,
In solemn silence sat profound —
But did she laugh? — the laugh went round.
Her snuff-box if the nymph pulled out,
Each Johnian in responsive airs Fed with the tickling dust his snout,
With all the politesse of bears. Dropt she her fan beneath her hoop ? Ev'n stake-stuck Clarians strove to stoop.
The sons of culinary Kays
Smoking from the eternal treat, Lost in ecstatic transport gaze,
As though the fair was good to eat ; Ev'n gloomiest King's men, pleased a while, " Grin horribly a ghastly smile."
IN CAP AND GOWN.
" But hark," she cries, e< my mama calls," And straight she's vanish'd from our sight ;
'Twas then we saw the empty bowls, 'Twas then we first perceiv'd it night ;
While all, sad svnod, silent moan,
Both that she went, and went alone.
C. SMART.
C 39 >
THE HAPPINESS OF A GOOD ASSURANCE.
(Horace, Bk. i. Od. 22. Imitated and moderniz'd. )
In the following poem reference is made throughout to a code of " Orders and Regulations" ' which the Duke of Newcastle, the Chancellor of the University, submitted to the Senate on May II, 1750. On that date some of tliem were rejected, but the whole eighteen were passed on the zbth of June.
They prescribed the costume in which undergraduates ^vere invariably to appear ; they prohibited the keeping of horses or dogs ; they ordered undergraduates not to go to coffee-house, tennis-court, or cricket-ground between 9 and 12 a.m., and to leave taverns at n p.m. Respect /or superiors in standing as well as for those in authority was inculcated, and evil company, dicing, and rioting were forbidden in the strictest terms.
The sophs are called "tattered" in the third stanza, because their gowns, having seen three years'1 service, were naturally "things of shreds and patches ," as the " Gradus ad Cantabrigiam " calls them. " Gilded tossils " are, of course, fellow-commoners. Rusticate (line 29) is defined by Dr. Johnson in his Dictionary as "to banish into the country."
Wish, whose claret is alluded to in the fourth stanza, was the landlord of the Tuns. At the time this poem was written, his tavern had attained an tinenviable notoriety. It had been entered by the proctor when a dinner of the old " Westminsters" was being held, with the Professor of Greek in the chair. The proctor's foolish interference on this occasion led to a great deal of tinpleasant feeling, and finally to an action before the Vice-Chancellor's Court.
4o IN CAP AND GOWN.
WHOE'ER with frontless phiz is blest, Still in a blue or scarlet vest
May saunter through the town, Or strut regardless of the rules, Even to St. Mary's or the schools^
In hat or poplin gown.
A dog he unconcern'd maintains, And seeks with gun the sportful plains
Which ancient Cam divides ; Or to the hills on horseback strays (Unask'd his tutor), or his chaise
To fam'd Newmarket guides.
For in his sight (whose brow severe Each morn the coffee-houses fear,
Each night the taverns dread ; To whom the tatter'd Sophs bend low, To whom the gilded tossils bow,
And graduates nod the head ;)
Ev'n in the proctor's awful sight, On Regent-walk at twelve last night
Unheedingly I came ; And though with Wish's claret fir'd, I brush'd his side, he ne'er enquir'd
My college or my name.
Were I oblig'd whole terms to keep, And haste to chapel rous'd from sleep,
At five each frosty morning ; Or for a riot should my ear Of hated rustication hear
The first or second warning ;
THE HAPPINESS OF A GOOD ASSURANCE. 41
Ev'n tho' my friends with careless looks Beheld unpitying all my books
At Thurlbourris auction selling ; Or (of all evils most severe ! ) Were I at Barnwell for a year
Condemn'd to fix my dwelling ;
Yet there I never would repine, But, Horace-like, with generous wine
Be mirthful still and jolly ; And still in uncorrupted lays Thro' BarnwelFs grove resound the praise
Of distant, virtuous Polly.
SOPHISTA. CAMBRIDGE, August i, 1750.
CAP AND GOWN.
THE LOUNGER.
For a description of the " Lounger" who was defined by Dr. Johnson as an " ambulatory student," the reader is referred to the* Introduction. The poem we give here was first published in " The Ox ford and Cambridge Miscellany" in 1751, and afterwards appeared, with a slight alteration, in the " Oxford Sausage" (1764). It is interesting to note that dinner was at this time served in the college halls at twelve o'clock. The Tindergraduates were thus able to attend the disputations in the schools, which opened at two. At the end of the eighteenth century the dinner- hottr was shifted to one, and ever since has been getting later and later.
We have already referred to the Mitre on p. 4. For the Tuns, see note on the last poem.
I RISE about nine, get to breakfast by ten,
Blow a tune on my flute, or perhaps make a pen ;
Read a play till eleven, or cock my lac'd hat ;
Then step to my neighbour's, till dinner, to chat.
Dinner over to Tom's, or to Claphairis x I go,
The news of the town so impatient to know ;
While Law, Locke, and Newton and all the rum race,
That talk of their modes, their ellipses and space,
The seat of the soul, and new systems on high,
In holes, as abstruse as their mysteries, lie.
From the Coffee-House then I to Tennis away,
And at six I post back to my college, to pray :
I sup before eight, and secure from all duns,
Undauntedly march to the Mitre or Tuns ;
1 Noted coffee-houses in Cambridge.
THE LOUXGER.
Where in punch or good claret my sorrows I drown, And toss off a bowl, to the best in the town : At one in the morning, I call what's to pay, Then home to my chambers I stagger away, Thus I tope all the night, as I trirle all day.
44 /#" CAP AND GOIVN.
EPIGRAM ON DR. OGDEN,
ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE, WOODWARDIAN PROFESSOR, PERPETUAL CURATE OF ST. SEPULCHRE'S.
Samuel Ogden (B.A. 1737, D.D. 1753), who is referred to in the following verses, was one of the most eccentric characters of his time. He was said to be remarkably wealthy, and it was only this reptita- tion that rendered tolerable his roiigh manners and blunt method of speech. He was a popular preacher •, and always managed to fill the Round Church. He was elected Wood^vardian Professor in 1764. The following anecdote from Gunning 's ' ' Reminiscences " will give some idea of the doctor's character :
" When my father was in college, he freqttently went to see the doctor on a Sunday afternoon, and took coffee with him. Invariably the first question was, ' Hast any news to tell ? ' Upon one occasion my father
replied, '/ have just heard that Dr. is dead.' * Art sure?
WJiafs thy aiithority ? ' My father replied he had heard it from James Bullman, the scholar's butler. ' Shabby authority y go and try if thou canst not mend it ! ' On my father's return, he said he had by chance met the confidential servant of the deceased, who had confirmed the news. ' That will do,' said he ; ' and now let me see. He had a stall at Canterbury, and two livings, all in the gift of the Crown — let's try what we can lay our hands upon — take a pen, and write as I dictate.' He dictated as follows : * The great are always liable to importunity ; those who are both good and great are liable to a double portion.'
" / have frequently heard my father repeat the rest of the letter, but I can only call to mind the two short sentences with which it began ; the remaining part was written in the same peculiar style, and was addressed to the Prime Minister. However, he was always unsuccessful in his application for preferment. "
The following verses are preserved in the Cole MSS. They refer to three sets of congratulatory vene written by Ogden. The first, in Latin,
EPIGRAM ON DR. OGDEN. 45
appeared in 1760, upon the death of George //. and the accession of George III. ; the second, in English, on the marriage of George HI. •with Queen Charlotte, was written in 1761 ; and the third, in Arabic, upon the birth of George, Prince of Wales, in 1762. Cole ascribes the epigram to R. Pepper Arden, of Trinity College (B.A. 1766), who was created Baron Alvanley in 1801.
WHEN Ogden his prosaic verse
In Latin numbers drest, The Roman language proved too weak
To stand the critic's test.
To English Rhime he next essay'd
To shew he'd some pretence ; But ah ! Rhime only would not do :
They still expected sense.
Enraged the Doctor swore he'd place
On critics no reliance ; So wrapt his thoughts in Arabic
And bid 'em all defiance.
R. PEPPER ARDEN.
45 IN CAP AND GOWN.
SATIRE UPON THE HEADS; OR, NEVER A BARREL THE BETTER HERRING.
Thomas Gray, the poet, was one of those who despised the University which pretended to give him his education. He entered Peterhouse College in 1734, and two years later wrote to his friend, Mr. West, the following scathing description of Cambridge: "Surely it was of this place, now Cambridge, but formerly known by the name of Babylon, that the prophet spoke when he said, ' The wild beasts of the desert shall d^ivell there, and their houses shall be full of doleful creatiires, and owls shall build there, and satyrs shall dance there ; their forts and towers shall be a den for ever, and a joy of wild asses ; there shall the great owl make her nest, and lay, and hatch, and gather under her shadow ; it shall be a court of dragons ; the screech owl also shall rest there, and find for herself a place of rest. '" In 1756 Gray migrated to Pembroke Hall, because at Peterhouse ' ' the rooms were noisy, and the people of the house imcivil" This incivilitv consisted in some tindergraduates inducing Gray by an alarm of fire to descend by a rope ladder inlo a tub of water beneath his window. His " Satire ^tpon the Heads " was written about 1765, and first printed in Mr. Cossets edition of the poet's works, from the manuscript in Lord Houghtorfs possession.
O CAMBRIDGE, attend To the Satire I've pen'd On the Heads of thy Houses, Thou Seat of the Muses !
Know the Master of Jesus Does hugely displease us ; The Master of Maudlin In the same dirt is dawdling;
SATIRE UPON 7 HE HEADS. 47
The Master of Sidney
Is of the same kidney ;
The Master of Trinity
To him bears affinity ;
As the Master of Keys
Is as like as two pease,
So the Master of Queen's
Is as like as two beans ;
The Master of King's
Copies them in all things ;
The Master of Catherine
Takes them all for his pattern ;
The Master of Clare
Hits them all to a hair ;
The Master of Christ
By the rest is enticed ;
But the Master of Emmanuel
Follows them like a spaniel ;
The Master of Benet
Is of the like tenet ;
The Master of Pembroke
Has from them his system took ;
The Master of Peter's
Has all the same features ;
The Master of St. John's
Like the rest of the Dons.
P.S.— As to Trinity Hall
We say nothing at all.
THOMAS GRAY.
48 ;N CAP AND GO WAI
SQUARING THE CIRCLE,
In June, 1769, a petition was offered to the Duke of Graf ton, Chan- cellor of the University, by the undergraduates of Cambridge to alter their statutable dress, and to adopt a square cap, such as was worn by the higher degrees at the University.
Hitherto they had worn " round caps or bonnets of black cloth, lined with black silk or canvass, with a brim of black velvet for the pensioner , and of prunella or silk for the sizars"
This change suggested the following epigram, which was published in the " Cambridge Chronicle" for Juty I, 1769, and is reprinted in Hart shame's *' Book Rarities of the University of Cambridge"
The square cap had previously been worn by Doctors and Masters of Arts, and is said by a writer in " Notes and Queries" 1st series, vol. vi. p. 579, to resemble the head-gear worn by the ancient kings of China.
" Mutantque rotunda Quadratis."
YE learn' d cf every age and climate yield, And to illustrious Cambridge quit the field, What sage Professors never yet could teach, Nor Archimedes, nor our Newton reach ; What ancients and what moderns vainly sought, Cambridge with ease hath both attain'd and taught : This truth even envy must herself allow, For all her scholars Square the Circle now.
( 49
THE BARBER.
A FRAGMENT OF A PINDARIC ODE FROM AN OLD MANUSCRIPT IN THE MUSEUM, WHICH MR. GRAY CERTAINLY HAD IN HIS EYE WHEN HE WROTE THE "BARD."
This parody was written by Hon. Thomas Erskine, at Trinity College, Cambridge, between 1776 and 1778, and arose from the circumstance of the authors barber coming too late to dress his hair at his lodgings, at the shop of Mr. Jackson, an apothecary at Cambridge. By this delay he lost his dinner in hall; when, in imitation of the despairing bard who pro- phesied the destruction of King Edward's race, he poured forth his curses on the whole race of barbers, predicting their ruin in the simplicity of a future generation. Erskine, after a brilliant career as a barrister, became Lord Chancellor in 1806. On the important and dignified position held by the college barber, see note on p. 323.
" RUIN seize thee, scoundrel Coe !
Confusion on thy frizzing wait ! Hads't thou the only comb below,
Thou never more shoulds't touch my pate. Club nor queue, nor twisted tail, Nor e'en thy chatt'ring, barber ! shall avail To save thy horsewhipped back from daily fears ; From Cantab's curse, from Cantab's tears ! " Such were the sounds that o'er the powdered pride Of Coe the Barber scattered wild dismay, As down the steep of Jackson's slippery lane He wound with puffing march his toilsome, tardy, way.
£
50 AV CAP AND GOWN'.
In a room where Cambridge town
Frowns o'er the kennels' stinking flood, Rob'd in a flannel powd'ring-gown,
With haggard eyes poor Erskine stood ; (Long his beard, and blouzy hair Streamed like an old wig to the troubled air ;) And with clung guts, and face than razor thinner, Swore the loud sorrows of his dinner. " Hark ! how each striking clock and tolling bell With awful sounds the hour of eating tell ! O'er thee, oh Coe ! their dreaded noes they wave, Soon shall such sounds proclaim thy yawning grave j Vocal in vain, through all this lingering day, The grace already said, the plates all swept away.
" Cold is Beau * *'s tongue
That soothed each virgin's pain ;
Bright perfumed M * * has cropped his head :
Almack's ! you moan in vain :
Each youth whose high toupee
Made huge Plinlimmon bow his cloud-capt head
In humble Tyburn-top we see,
Esplashed with dirt and sun-burnt face ;
Far on before the ladies mend their pace,
The Macaroni sneers, and will not see. •
Dear lost companions of the coxcomb's art,
Dear as a turkey to these famished eyes, Dear as the ruddy port which warms my heart,
Ye sunk amidst the fainting Misses' cries — No more I weep,— they do not sleep :
At yonder ball, a sturdy band, I see them sit ; they linger yet,
Avengers of fair Nature's hand : With me in dreadful resolution join, To crop with one accord, and starve their cursed line.
THE BARBER. 51
"Weave the warp, and weave the woof,
The winding sheet of barbers' race ; Give ample room and verge enough
Their lengthened lantern jaws to trace. Mark the year and mark the night, When all their shops shall echo with affright ; Loud screams shall through St. James's turrets ring, To see, like Eton boy, the King ! Puppies of France, with unrelenting paws,
That scrape the foretops of our aching heads ; No longer England owns thy fribblish laws,
No more her folly Gallia's vermin feeds. They wait at Dover for the first fair wind, Soup-meagre in the van, and snuff; roast-beef behind.
" Mighty barbers, mighty lords,
Low on a greasy bench they lie ! No pitying heart or purse affords
A sixpence for a mutton-pye ! Is the mealy prentice fled ? Poor Coe is gone, all supperless to bed. The swarm that in thy shop each morning sat Comb their lank hair on forehead flat : Fair laughs the morn, when all the world are beaux,
While vainly strutting through a silly land, In foppish train the puppy Barber goes ;
Lace on his shirt, and money at command, Regardless of the skulking bailiff's sway, That, hid in some dark court, expects his evening prey.
" The porter-mug fill high,
Bak'd curls and locks prepare ; Reft of our heads, they yet by wigs may live :
Close by the greasy chair
52 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Fell thirst and famine lie, No more to Art will beauteous Nature give. Heard ye the gang of Fielding say,
Sir John,1 at last we've found their haunt ;
To desperation driven by hungry want, Through the crammed laughing Pit they steal their way ? Ye towers of Newgate ! London's lasting shame,
By many a foul and midnight murder fed, Revere poor Mr. Coe 2 the blacksmith's fame
And spare the grinning Barber's chuckle head.
" Rascals ! we tread thee underfoot,
(Weave we the woof ; the thread is spun :) Our beards we pull out by the root ;
(The web is wove — your work is done.) "
" Stay, oh stay ! nor thus forlorn Leave me uncurled, undinnered, here to mourn. Through the broad gate that leads to College Hall They melt, they fly, they vanish all. But oh ! what happy scenes of pure delight,
Slow moving on, their simple charms unroll ! Ye rapt'rous visions, spare my aching sight ;
Ye unborn beauties, crowd not on my soul ! No more our long-lost Coventry we wail : All hail, ye genuine forms ; fair Nature's issue, hail !
" Not frizzed and frittered, pinned and rolled,
Sublime their artless locks they wear, And gorgeous dames and judges old,
Without their tetes and wigs appear. In the midst a form divine, Her dress bespeaks the Pennsylvanian line,
1 Sir John Fielding, police magistrate.
2 Coe's father, blacksmith at Cambridge.
THE BARBER. 53
Her port demure, her grave, religious face,
Attempered sweet to virgin grace.
What sylphs and spirits wanton through the air !
What crowds of little angels round her play ! Hear from thy sepulchre, great Penn ! oh hear !
A scene like this might animate thy clay. Simplicity, now soaring as she sings, Waves in the eye of Heaven her quaker-coloured wings.
" No more toupees are seen
That mock at Alpine height, And queues with many a yard of riband bound,
All now are vanished quite. No tongs or torturing pin, But every head is trimmed quite snug around : Like boys of the cathedral choir,
Curls, such as Adam wore, we wear, Each simpler generation blooms more fair, Till all that's artificial shall expire. Vain puppy boy ! thinks't thou yon essenced cloud,
Raised by thy puff can vie with Natures hue ? To-morrow see the variegated crowd With ringlets shining like the morning dew. Enough for me : with joy I see The different dooms our fates assign ; Be thine to love thy trade and starve ; To wear what Heaven bestowed be mine." He said, and headlong from the trap-stair's height Quick through the frozen street he ran in shabby plight.
THOMAS ERSKINE.
IN CAP AND GOWN.
DR. JOWETTS GARDEN.
The following epigram was written in the year 1790, and was attri- buted to Francis Wrangham, of Trinity Hall, afterwards Archdeacon of Cleveland. Wrangham repudiated it, but, in conjunction with his Whig opinions, it probably caused him to be passed over when a fellowship was vacant. Professor Pry me says that the verses were also ascribed to Parson, as composed extempore ; while a writer in the " Gentleman *s Magazine" for 1792 states that they were by Mr. Horry, an American fellow- commoner of Trinity. Joseph Jowett, LL.D., then Ttitor of Trinity Hall, had fenced in the space next Trinity Hall Lane, between the north and south ranges of the building, and converted it into a garden. He afterwards turned the garden into a gravel walk, and this gave rise to the P.S. Several versions of this epigram are extant.
A LITTLE garden little Jowett made, And fenced it with a little palisade ; A little taste hath little Dr. Jowett, This little garden doth a little show it. P.S. — Because his garden made a little talk, He changed it to a little gravel walk.
( 55 )
ANONYMOUS VERSES AGAINST DR. PARR,
FOUND BY CRABB ROBINSON AMONG MR. ROOFER'S MANUSCRIPT LETTERS BELONGING TO MALONE.
Dr. Samuel Parr, the subject of this epigram, attained considerable reputation, as a man of wit and learning, in the latter half of the eighteenth century. Though for some time in residence at Emmanuel, he left the University -without taking a degree, and had an honorary A.M. presented to him in 1771. For several years he was a schoolmaster, and did not receive his first piece of ecclesiastical preferment until 1780. In 1785 he obtained the perpetual curacy of Hatton, which he held till his death in 1825. He was a man of bearish habits, and was seldom seen without his tobacco-pipe.
In the portrait which hangs in the Combination Room of St. Jokn'st Parr was originally represented with a long clay pipe in his hand ; butt for some reason or other, the pipe was afterwards painted out.
To half of Busby's skill in mood and tense
Add Bentley's pedantry without his sense ;
Of Warburton take all the spleen you find,
And leave his genius and his wit behind ;
Squeeze Churchill's rancour from the verse it flows in,
And knead it stiff with Johnson's heavy prosing,
And all the piety of St. Voltaire :
Mix the gross compound, P'iat Dr. Parr.
56 IN CAP AND GOWN.
EPITAPH ON A DOCTOR OF DIVINITY.
Richard Parson, perhaps the most distinguished writer of satiric verse that Cambridge has produced, was born at East Ruston, in Norfolk, on Christmas Day, 1759, and was the eldest son of Huggin Person, parish clerk of that village. He was sent to Eton on the foundation in 1774, and in 1778 entered Trinity College, Cambridge. After a brilliant career as an -undergraduate, he was elected to a fellowship in 1782. In 1792, rather than take orders, he resigned his felloivship and took up his abode in London. In the same year he was elected Professor of Greek. The longer and more important of his poems which we print here are political in intent, and were contribttted to the columns of the "Morning Chronicle" the editor of which paper was the professor's brother-in-law. It is true they have no reference to Cambridge, but in consideration of the fact that they wei-e written by one of the most distinguished of Cambridge men, and that they are not easily accessible, they are inserted here. Person, who was exceedingly well known as a wit and genial companion both in London and Cambridge, died, after a brief illness, on September 25, 1808.
HERE lies a Doctor of Divinity,
He was a fellow of Trinity ; He knew as much about Divinity
As other fellows do of Trinity.
RICHARD PORSON.
C 57 )
TO DR. KIPLING.
AN IMPROMPTU COMPOSED ONE CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE COM- BINATION ROOM OF TRINITY COLLEGE.
Dr. Thomas Kipling, of St. John 's College, was a pedantic theologian, no less remarkable for his ignorance than for his bigotry. In Professor Watsoris absence he used to act as deputy professor of Divinity. His greatest literary achievement was the publication in facsimile of the Codex Bezae, the famous manuscript of a part of the New Testament in the University Library. The title of his work, " Codex Bezae Canta- brigiensis," 'which can be construed to mean the " Codex of Beza, the Cambridge man," exposed him to much ridicule ; while in his preface he committed so many solecisms that a " Kiplingism" was long a proverbial expression for a blunder in Latin. For Bishop Watson, see below, p. 78,
ORTHODOXY'S staunch adherent,
Bishop Watson's great vice-gerent,
Sub- Professor Dr. Kipling,
Leave off your Yorkshire trick of tippling :
For while thy Beza is in hand,
Man's salvation's at a stand.
RICHARD PORSON.
58 2N CAP AND GOWN.
THE GERMAN PROFESSORS.
I WENT to Strasburg, where I got drunk With that most learn'd Professor Brunck : I went to Wortz, where I got more drunken With that more learn'd Professor Ruhnken.
RICHARD PORSON.
( 59 )
THE GERMANS TN GREEK.
In a letter from Person to Andrew Dalzel, dated September 3, 1803, the following occurs : —
" It may perhaps divert you to insert an epigram, made by an Etonian, a friend of mine, upon the said Herman, in imitation of Fhocylides's saw (Strabo, x. p. 487).
Nryt'Ses eo-re /xerpoov, w Teirroi/es' ou;^ o fup os S'ov,
Dai/res, TrX^j/ "EPMANNO2- o& "EPMANNO^ a-^oSpa Te^roov.
Which I thus endeavoured to do into English —
THE Germans in Greek Are sadly to seek ; Not five in five score, But ninety-five more : All, save only HERMAN, And HERMAN'S a German."
RICHARD PORSON.
60 IN CAP AND GOWN.
IMITATION OF HORACE. LIP. i. OD. 14.
THE ARGUMENT.
The poet makes a voyage to Britain, in pursuance of his promise — lib. iii. od. iv. line 33 — " Visam Britannos hospitibus feros " — " I will visit the Britons inhospitable to strangers." The vessel in which he sailed was called the Britannia^ whether from the place of its destination, or from the circumstance of being built of British wood, I cannot deter- mine ; but, I believe, for both reasons. After a tedious voyage, at last he arrived safe at Portsmouth. — The ship was grievously shattered ; but the Captain determined to. go out immediately, before she was well refitted, and while the weather was very unpromising. — Several of the crew were heard to mutter, in consequence of this proceeding ; upon which the captain, by advice of the pilot, put them in irons. — But the most curious incident was (if we may believe Quintilian), that Horace was indicted for a libel, as if, under the allegory of a ship, he had intended to paint the dangers and distresses of the commonwealth. — Whoever peruses my version will see how groundless and absurd this accusation was. — The reader need only keep in mind that the poet, more safe at shore, makes this pathetic address to the vessel, in which his life and fortune were so lately risked.
BRITANNIA, while fresh storms are brewing, I wonder what the devil you're doing ! Put back to harbour, might and main, Nor venture out to sea again : Your hull's too tender long to last, You're fain to try a jury-mast ;
IMITATION OF HORACE. 61
Your tackle's old. your timber's crazy, The winds are high, the weather's hazy ; Your anchor's lost, you've sprung a leak ; Hark how the ropes and cordage creak ! A rag of canvas scarce remains ; Your pilot idly beats his brains — A cub that knows not stem from stern, Too high t' obey, too proud to learn — In vain you worry Heav'n with pray'rs ; Think you that Heaven one farthing cares Whether a sailor prays or swears ? In vain you sport your threadbare joke, And call yourself " Old Heart of Oak." No seaman, that can box his compass, Trusts to your daubs, or titles pompous. Take heed, lest Boreas play the mocker, And cry — "'Tis snug in Davy's locker." Though while on board as sick as hell, At shore, old girl, I wish you well. Beware of shoals — of wind and weather, And try to keep your planks together ; Or else the ravenous sea will gorge And lodge you next the Royal George.
RICHARD PORSON.
62 IN CAP AND GOWN.
IMITATION OF HORACE.
LIB. T. On. 34.
MR. EDITOR,1
Understanding that my last translation of an ode of Horace did not displease the best judges, I have taken the liberty to send you a second attempt, which I submit to your candour. It may seem matter of wonder to you, as it does to me, that neither Quintilian, nor Will Baxter, nor any other hunter of allegories, should find out the real drift of this ode, which is so very easy to be discovered. The case, in short, is as follows. — Augustus, in the midst of peace and tran- quillity, felt, or feigned, an alarm, on account of some books written by persons suspected of an attachment to the party of Cato and Brutus, and recommending republican principles. Now, Horace, having been a colonel in Brutus's army, and being rather too free in professing his religious sentiments, naturally passed for an atheist and a republican Augustus published an edict to tell his subjects how happy they all were in spite of the suggestions of malcontents ; commanding them to sthk close to their old religions ; and threatening, that whoever was not active in assisting the government, should be treated as an enemy to Church and State. Upon this occasion Horace read — or affected to read, for I will not take my oath to his sincerity — a recantation. In one part of the ode he says — ''Jupiter, who generally thunders and lightens in cloudy weather, now has driven his chariot through the serene air." This is so plain an emblem of Augustus fulminating his censures in a time of perfect tranquillity, that it needs no further com- ment. Our author refers to this circumstance again (carm. vii. 5) : " Caelo tonantem credidimus govern regnare: praesens Divus habebitur
1 This letter and translation allude, with great delicacy, ingenuity, andjfinesse, to the visionary alarm about republican principles raised at the beginning of the present war.
IMITATION OF HORACE. 63
Augustus " — " We have believed that Jupiter reigns thundering from heaven : Augustus shall be esteemed a present God." In another place he expressly calls Augustus Jupiter (Epist. i. xix. 43) : "Rides, ait, et Jovis atiribus ista servos" — "You joke," says he, "and reserve your verses for the ear of Jove."
For all sovereigns, while they are in power, are compared to the Sovereign of the Gods, however weak, wicked, or worthless they may be —
Nihil est quod credere de se, Non possit, cum laudatur Dis aeque potentas.
I must not forget to add that this edict of the Emperor was followed with numerous addresses from large bodies of the men who were once called Romans, allowing the reality of the plots, lamenting the decay of piety, and promising to resist all innovation, and to defend his sacred Caesarean Majesty with their lives and fortunes.
TILL now I held free-thinking notions, Gave little heed to my devotions ; Scarce went to church four times a year, And then slept more than prayed, I fear : But now I'm quite an altered man — I quit the course I lately ran ; And giving heterodoxy o'er, Unlearn my irreligious lore. Yet lest you entertain a doubt, I'll tell you how it came about.
Jove seldom lets his lightnings fly, Except when clouds obscure the sky, As well you know ; but t'other morning, He thundered without previous warning, And flashed in such a perfect calm, It gave me a religious qualm : Nor me alone— the frightful sound Reached to the country's utmost bound ; And every river in the nation, From concave shores made replication.1 1 Shakespeare's " Julius Caesar," act. i. sc. I.
64 IN CAP AND GOWN.
The brutish clods, in shape of cits,
Were almost frightened into fits.
Henceforth I bow to every altar,
And wish all infidels a halter.
I see what power your Gods can show,
Change low with high, and high with low;
Pull down the lofty from his place,
And in his stead exalt the base ;
Thus Fortune's gifts some lose, some gain,
While mortals gaze, and guess in vain.
RICHARD PORSON.
IMITATION OF HORACE. LIB. i. OD. 27.
MR. EDITOR,
We have several translations of Horace ; but none that I have seen appear to do the author justice. There is in Horace a grace, a delicacy, a liveliness, a fulness of expression, and a harmony of versification, that at once captivate the ear and the heart. I need not explain to you how far short of these excellences our translators in general have fallen. Having myself studied this poet with uncommon attention, I have, with all my might, endeavoured to preserve these qualities in my version, of which I send you the inclosed ode as a specimen. If you judge it to have less merit than the partial parent believes, you will still allow it, I hope, to soar above the common
flights of modern poetry. It is not heavy as lead, like Mr. ; nor
dull as ditch-water, like Anna Matilda ; nor mad as a March hare, like
our present excellent Laureat ; nor stupid but I should never make
an end, if I went on with my comparisons. If this sample takes, 1 mean to publish a translation of the whole by subscription : it will be printed on wire-wove paper, and hot-pressed — not to exceed two volumes quarto. A great number of engravings will be added by the most eminent artists. The obscenities will be left out of the common copies ; but printed separately for the use of the curious and critical readers. The passages which have an improper political tendency will be carefully omitted ; such as —
Sed magis Pugnas et exactos tyrannos
Densum humeris bibit aure vulgus.
" The clustering mob is more delighted to hear of battles and the expulsion of tyrants."
F
66 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Or that address to Fortune —
Purpurei metuunt tyranni, Injurioso ne pede proruas Stantem columnam ; neu populus frequens Ad arma cessantes, ad arma Concitet, imperiumque frangat.
" Purple tyrants dread thee, O Fortune, lest thou shouldst kick down the standing pillar [of existing circumstances] ; lest the thronging populace should summon the loiterers To ARMS ! TO ARMS ; — and demolish the empire."
But these passages, thank God ! are very few, and shall be studiously suppressed. Luckily, Horace is full of loyal effusions, which I shall endeavour to render with spirit as well as fidelity. What, for instance, can be more applicable than the following passage to the present holy war ? —
Diu Lateque victrices catervae,
Consiliis Juvenis repressae, Sensere, quid mens rite, quid indoles Nutrita faustis sub penetralibus Posset, quid Augusti paternus In pueros animus Nerones.
"The armies, so long and so far victorious, were checked by the conduct of a young prince, and became sensible what could be done by a mind and a disposition nurtured under an auspicious roof — what could be achieved by the paternal affection of Augustus to his young Neroes."
But it is time to release you from this tedious preface, and give you my specimen. — Why, thus it runs, then —
FYE, friends ! were glasses made for fighting, And not your hearts and heads to lighten ? Quit, quit, for shame, the savage fashion, Nor fall in such a bloody passion.
" Pistols and ball for six ! " what sport ! How distant from — " Fresh lights and Port ! " Get rid of this ungodly rancour : And bring your — elbows to an anchor.
IMITATION OF HORACE. 67
Why, though your stuff is plaguy heady, I'll try to hold one bumper steady, Let Ned but say, what wench's eyes Gave him the wound, of Which he dies.
You won't ? — then, damme if I drink ! A proper question this to blink ! Come, come ; for whomsoe'er you feel Those pains, you always sin genteel.
And were your girl the dirtiest drab — (You know I never was a blab) Out with it ; whisper soft and low ; — What ! is it she ? The filthy frow ! You've got a roaring sea to tame, Boy, worthy of a better flame !
What Lapland witch, what cunning man, Can free you from this harridan ? St. George himself who slew the dragon Would idly waste himself this hag on.
RICHARD PORSON.
68 IN CAP AND GOWN.
HYMN TO THE CREATOR.
BY A NEW-MADE PEER. To THE EDITOR OF THE "MORNING CHRONICLE."
'O TOV KpaTL&TOV Trot TIocret8a)i/os ®eou Xcupe K 'A(£/>o8irr7S.
"AAAoi /X€V V) fJLCLKpaV JJLaX* OLTT^OVCTLV ®€CH,
*H OVK e^ovonv wra, "H OVK ctortv, f] ov Trpoa-^ovcnv rffuv ov8e ei/,
^e Se 7rapbv6* opco/xev, Ou ^vXti/ov ovSe Xt^t^ov, olAA.'
Eu^o/xecr^a ST^ o^ot, IIpcoTOV /xev etprjvrjv Troirjcrov,
Kvptos yap .ct crv.
ATHENAEUS, vi. p. 253. D.
SIR,
We were discoursing the other day on the fashion once so prevalent in Rome of deifying those benefactors of mankind, the Emperors. A person in company observed, that it was not original, or peculiar to Rome j that many instances of it might be found in the Greek history ; at the same time he mentioned Alexander the Great and Demetrius Poliorceta. The latter example not being quite so well known as the other, he informed us that the Athenians, besides paying other compliments to Demetrius, sang an hymn to him at his entrance to Athens, from which this gentleman repeated the verses above quoted. Being requested by the unlearned part of the company to explain the verses, he gave the following translation : " Hail, O son of the most powerful God Neptune, and of Venus 1 "
HYMN TO THE CREATOR. 6>
(N.B. — " Son of Neptune," in poetry, we know, signifies a king with a mighty naval power, and " Son of Venus " denotes that air of grace and dignity mixed, which is inseparable from royalty.)
" For all other gods are either at a great distance from us, or have no ears, or exist not at all, or pay not the least attention to us : but thee we behold a present Deity, made neither of wood nor of stone,, but a real God. We therefore pray thee, first of all, to give peace in our time, O dearest ; because thou only fightest for us."
Another observed that there was something in the general spirit of this address extremely like a late composition that had been much handed about in manuscript. The poem was read, of which I send you a copy, if it can be of any use to your paper. We all agreed, however, that the author had, with great judgment, avoided the pacific conclusion of the Greek verses, which shows that the Athenians were sorry cravens in comparison, with true British Hearts of Oak.
T. STERNHOLD.
HAIL, gracious Sire ! to thee belong My morning pray'r, my evensong ;
My heart and soul are thine : Inspire me, while I chaunt thy praise, In zealous, tho' in feeble lays —
And show thy power divine !
Late, while I lay a senseless mass, As dull as peasant, ox, or ass,
Unworthy note and name, Methought thy fiat reached my ear— " Let Mr. SCRUB be made a peer 1 "
And Scrub a peer became.
Of such a change in Nature's laws What pow'r could be th' efficient cause^.
Inferior to a God ? All public virtue, private worth, Conspicuous talents, splendid birth,.
Attend the sovereign's nod.1 1 In Latin, nujnen.
70 2N CAP AND GOWN'.
I'm now a Member of that Court That settles, in the last resort,
The business of the nation ; Where, since I'm kicked upstairs by thee, I'll clearly prove my pedigree
As old as the creation^
But not omnipotence alone Adorns the owner of the throne,
His attributes pass counting : Of justice, when he hangs poor knaves, Of mercy, when rich rogues he saves,
He's rightly called the fountain.
In part of payment for thy favours, I tender thee my best endeavours,
If haply thou shalt need 'em ; Nor shall I grudge thy shirt to air, For all the bed-room Lords declare
Thy service perfect freedom.
The Devils of old, as Milton sings, Were angry with the King of Kings,
And thought he'd reigned too long : Of late the herd of Gallic swine Dar'd to deny the right Divine
Of Kings to govern wrong.
" Go," said the Lord, " my son, pursue This factious, diabolic crew, And on them pour my ire :
1 " Clown. You were best say these robes are not gentlemen born. Give me the lie, do ; and try whether I am not now a gentleman born.
Autolycus. I know you are now, sir, a gentleman born.
Clown. Ay, and have been so any time these four hours." — •' Winter's Tale," act. v. sc. 2.
HYMN TO THE CREATOR. 71
In hell, then, let them count their gains, There dwell in adamantine chains, And roast in penal fire ! "
So didst thou send thy chosen son, With sword and bayonet and gun,
French Atheism up to root ; He fought, he beat, the rebels fell ; He sent their armies all to hell^-
Or tried at least to do't
Yield never to such fiends accursed ; Fight on, and bid them do their worst,
And if thy Commons still Shall vote thee cash, to subsidize Our trusty, firm, sincere allies,
We'll not reject the bill.
These truths, when first we rise to speak, With voice irresolute and weak,
As is the mode, we utter ; But, in the progress of th' oration, Enflairied with lordlike indignation
At Jacobins I sputter : —
" My Luds, you've heard a noble Lud Wisely advise to shed more blood ;
For who that wears a star, While honour in this house survives, Values a rush plebeian lives ?
I therefore vote for war.
" What, leave Religion in the lurch ! NO : — sink our commerce — save the Church, Nor spare men, money, nor ship.
72 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Fresh millions after millions fling — • For if we lose our Church and King, What will be left to worship ?
" My Luds, the reverend Peers in lawn Have laid their precious souls in pawn
Upon the war's success. These wizards know a curious spell, Which, rightly used, will Heaven compel
The British arms to bless.
" Let every soul forbear to treat His hungry maw with drink or meat,
On We'n'sday next till e'en ; The grumbling of our famish'd inwards (So 'tis decreed by holy Synods)
Cures God Almighty's spleen."
But I digress — whoever wishes l
To share the treat of loaves and fishes
The courtier's faith must cherish ; Which faith, unless each mother's child Keep pure and whole, and undefiled,,
He shall most surely perish 1
All epithets of God to thee Belong in th' infinite degree,
Just, powerful, good and wise; And, what behoved me first to sing, As God's eternal, so the King J
Of England never dies.
1 Quicunque vult.
HYMN' TO THE CREATOR. 73
Then hymn his praise, ye chosen few, Whom he vouchsafes a nearer view
Of his effulgent glory ; Avaunt, ye Whigs ! no peace expect, For none is numbered with th' Elect,
Except an arrant Tory.
This faith like Vicar erst of Bray I'll hold until my dying day
And persevere steadfast in ; And whoso dare gainsay or scoff The smallest particle thereof,
Be damned to everlasting.
ATHANASII SYMBOLUS. (RICHARD PORSON.)
74 /Ar CAP AND GOWN.
ON THE POPULAR PLAY OF PIZARRO.
Sheridan's adaptation of Kotzebue's stilted tragedy, "Die Spanien in Pent," was produced at Drury Lane on May 24, 1799. 2t ran for thirty-one nights in its first season, and the king went to see it, though he had not been to Drury Lane for some years. Jt was admirably acted by Mrs. Siddons and her brother, but its success was mainly occasioned by the audience applying the passages referring to the woes of Montezuma to George III. and his supposed ill-treatment. The poem appeared in the " Morning Chronicle," over the signature " Brogue"
As I walked through the Strand so careless and gay, I met a young girl who was wheeling a barrow :
"Choice fruit, Sir," said she — "and a bill of the play;" So my apples I bought, and set off for Pizarro.
When I got to the door I was squeez'd, and cried, " Dear me,
I wonder they made the entrance so narrow ! " At last I got in, and found every one near me
Was busily talking of Mr. Pizarro.
Lo ! the hero appears — (what a strut and a stride !) He might easily pass for a marshal Suwarrow !
And Elvira so tall, neither virgin nor bride — The loving companion of gallant Pizarro.
OAr THE POPULAR PLAY OF PIZARRO. 7$
But Elvira, alas ! turn'd so dull and so prosy That I longed for a hornpipe by little Del Caro :
Had I been 'mong the gods I had surely cried, " Nosy, " Come, play up a jig ; and a fig for Pizarro ! "
On his wife and his child his affection to pay, Alonzo stood gazing, and straight as an arrow :
Of him I have only this little to say —
His boots were much neater than those of Pizarro.
Then the priestess and virgins, in robes white and flowing, Walked solemnly on — like a sow and her farrow,
And politely inform'd. the whole house they were going To entreat Heaven's curses on noble Pizarro.
Then at it they went. How they made us all stare ! — One growl'd like a bear, and one chirp'd like a sparrow :
I listen'd ; but all I could learn, I declare,
Was, that vengeance would certainly fall on Pizarro.
Rolla made a fine speech with much logic and grammar, As must sure rouse the envy of Counsellor Garrow —
It would sell for five pounds, were it brought to the hammer ; .For it rais'd all Peru against valiant Pizarro.
Four acts are tol-lol — but the fifth's my delight, 'Where hist'ry's traced with the pen of a Varro;
And Elvira in black and Alonzo in white, Put an end to the piece by killing Pizarro.
I have finished my song; if it had but a tune
(Nancy Dawson won't do, nor the Sweet Banks of Yarrow) I vow I would sing it from morning till noon — So much am I charmed with the play of Pizarro.
BROGUE.
(RICHARD PORSON.)
76 IN CAP AND GOWN.
ON DR. DOUGLAS MARRIAGE WITH MISS MAINWARING.
William Lort Mansel (1752-1820) entered Trinity College in graduated as B.A. in 1774. In 1788 he was appointed Public Orator of the University, in 1798 Master of Trinity, and in 1808 Bishop of Bristol. However, he never resided in his diocese, and continued to make Trinity Lodge his home until his death. In the early part of his career he gained an immense reputation as a writer of epigrams, and never lost his quickness of repartee. In a scurrilous poem written in 1.793, and called " An Irregular Hymn in Praise of the Illustrious Twenty-Seven" Mansel is referred to as a "dead-hand at a dark lampoon" At a time when the Heads of Houses led a jealously exclusive life, Bishop Mansel was genial and affable, and when a dance was improvised at the Lodge would himself turn an organ. This affability, said the envious, was dtie to the fact that he had three marriageable dattghters. The next six pieces are from his hand.
Philip Douglas entered Corpiis Christi College in 1776, and tvok the degrees of B.A. , M^A., and D.D., respectively, in 1781, 1784, and 1795. /;/ 1795 he was elected master of his college. Miss Maimvaring was the daughter of the Lady Margaret Professor of Theology. It is curious to notice how completely the title " Bene't College" has died out. It is said to have come into use as early as the fourteenth century, Corpus Christi College being in the parish of St. Bene't, and using the parish church as its chapel. The name lasted until about sixty years ago, when the correct name of the college came once more into general tise.
ST. PAUL has declared that persons though twain, In marriage united one flesh shall remain ;
DR. DOUGLAS? MARRIAGE. 77
But, had he been by when, like Pharaoh's kine pairing, Dr. Douglas of Bene't espoused Miss Mainwaring, The Apostle no doubt would have altered his tone, And cried, " these two splinters shall make but one bone."
W. L. MANSEL.
78 IN CAP AND GOWN.
THE RIVAL BISHOPS.
Bishop Watson built a house on the west side of St. Andrew's Street, which is still known as Llandaff House. It was built on the site of an inn called the " Bishop Blaise," and these facts were commemorated in an epigram by W. L. Manse/. Richard Watson, of Trinity College, was Second Wrangler in 1759, and shortly afterwards became Tutor of Trinity and Professor of Chemistry. The Regius Professorship of Divinity falling vacant in 1771, Watson, although, as he acknowledges himself, "with this curta supellex in theology to take possession of the first professional chair in Europe seemed too daring an attempt even for my intrepidity '," obtained it. If we may judge from his own ingenuous "Anec- dotes," Watson was an admirable man of business, and he particularly plumed himself on the fact that although he "found the Professorship not worth ^330 a year," he left it "worth ^1000 at the least." He appointed Kipling, and afterwards Ramsden, his depttty in the Professorship, and although he was thirty -four years Bishop of Llandaff, he is said never to have visited his diocese. Professor Pryme says he had thirteen pieces of preferment, and did not live within a hundred miles of any of them.
Two of a trade can ne'er agree —
No proverb can be juster ; They've ta'en down Bishop Blaise, you see,
And put up Bishop Bluster.
W. L. HANSEL.
C 79 >
ON SPRA Y, A WRETCHEDLY BAD SINGING-MAN IN TRINITY COLLEGE CHAPEL,
APPOINTED BY JOHN HlNCHCLIFFE, MASTER 1768-89, AND
BISHOP OF PETERBOROUGH, BECAUSE HE HAD A VOTE FOR THE COUNTY OF NORTHAMPTON.
A SINGER and not sing !
How justify your patron's bounty ? Excuse me — you mistake the thing :
My voice is in another county.
W. L. MANSEL.
8o IN CAP AND GOWN.
HELUS HOLIDAY.
Henry Gordon, butler to Trinity College, served the fellows' table with such execrable wine, that the junior fellows exerted themselves to get him removed. The seniors with great reluctance consented, and he was dis- missed; but before long contrived to get himself back into his old place again. Bishop Mansel then wrote the following lines. They were given to me by Mr. J. W. Clark, to whom they were repeated by the Rev. A'. Allott (B.A. 1805), one of the senior Fellows of Trinity College.
WHEN news was brought down to the sulphurous lake That old Harry was whitewashed again and restored ;
The Devils huzzaed, and got drunk for his sake,
And brimstone and brandy were pushed round the board.
Old Satan himself, in a voice that shook Hell,
In a rapture of congratulation to all, Cried, " Courage, my lads ! since things turn out so well,
I've hopes now myself of recovering my fall.
" But come, — on base bumpers we've trifled too long,
A liquor congenial our revels require : A liquor dark, turbulent, heady and strong,
With a twang of our Styx, and our Phlegethon's fire.
"Such a ferment I've by me— behold the dark juice ;
It will burn thro' our ichor, new madden our veins : Tho' poison to mortals, it's cordial to us :
To the children of sorrow damnation and pains.
HELVS HOLIDAY. 81
" Behold the full hamper, in yon dusky cell : There's a liquor congenial to these dark abodes,
A liquor well suiting the genius of Hell,
As distant from nectar as we are from Gods."
So they opened the store : it was Harry's own wine.
The Devils drank deeply : grew raving, and swore That tho' used to the stench of flames, brimstone, and brine,
They had ne'er tasted liquor so hellish before.
W. L. MANSEL.
32 2N CAP AND GOWN.
"LAUGH AND BE FAT"
The following is an extract from a letter from W. L. Mansel to Mathias (author of "Runic Odes, imitated from the Norse Tongue, in the manner of Mr. Gray" and of the "Pursuits of Literature"), dated October 12, 1782.
" You have heard of our Emmanuel Jubilee, no doubt. All I can say is, that I was not invited ; so do not ask me any particulars thereof. One circumstance, however, is droll enough. During the very midst of the celebration of the jubilee, that is, while they were at the noon of eating, proposals were circulated round the table for having an engraving of the Master (Dr. Richard Farmer] struck off as soon as possible. That cir- cumstance gave rise to the following little waggery."
From 1775 t° *797 Richard Farmer was Master of Emmanuel College. He had a great reputation for geniality, and the hospitalities of Emmanuel parlour were justly celebrated. As a conversationalist he had scarcely a rival in Cambridge ; and when Pitt came to visit his constituents, Farmer's presence was considered indispensable. He belonged to what Dr. Barnes called the "Shakespeare gang," and never failed to be present at the performances at the Stourbridge Theatre.
Stevens, referred to in line 17, is the celebrated scholar and editor of Shakespeare's works.
Ax feasts of yore, the sumptuous lord,
To please the pamper'd guest, Plac'd drolls and antics at his board,
Whose business was to jest.
Farmer, of antiquarian flower, At Mildmay's x late repast,
1 Sir Walter Mildmay was the founder of Emmanuel College, A.D. 1584,
" LAUGH AND BE FAT." 83
To cheer the hospitable hour, Renew'd the good ol'd taste.
To make men laugh as well as eat,
The merry master knew, Was doubling the luxurious treat
And heartier welcome too.
As to the eating part, of that
Good plenty was at hand ; Twelve bucks in larder, firm and fat
From good Lord Westmoreland.
Melons and pines from Stevens came,
(Stevens himself a feast !) Huge hampers of outlandish game,
And turtles ready drest.
To crown the whole with one good laugh,
The master, merry elf, Hands round proposals to engrave
A likeness of — himself.
W. L. MANSEL.
84 IN CAP AND GOWN.
THE CAMBRIDGE COMMENCEMENT.
The Public Commencement was held in Great St. Mary's Church, until the completion of the Senate House in 1730. It corresponded to the Oxford Commemoration. Sometimes on the occasion of the commencement a speech, called a music speech, in which a good deal of licence was allowed, was delivered. But this was not the invariable custom. This poem is printed in Barker's " Anecdotes" ii. 39. A " pensioner" is one who paid a " pensio," or rent, for rooms in college. He does not differ from the Oxford commoner. Dr. Randall was Professor of Music from 1755 to 1799. For an explanation of sizar, see p. 108.
A CAMBRIDGE Commencement's the time
When gentlemen come for degrees ; And with wild-looking cousins and wives
Through a smart mob of Pensioners squeeze.
The music, that plays in the church,
Attracts them, though boiling the weather ;
Like the good folks by Orpheus of old, Who sat list'ning and steaming together.
Dr. Randal stuck up in the front
(With the gay London fiddlers behind)
Like a fine paper-punch, pulled by strings, Throws his arms and his legs to the wind.
THE CAMBRIDGE COMMENCEMENT.
The pretty town misses have each
Some Sizar their humble beholder, While the nymphs of the Lodge think there's nought
Like a bit of gold lace on the shoulder.
O'er the poor country curate that's near,
How their eyes (in fine language called " killers ")
They carelessly glance, till they rest
On the silk gown and long nose of Villiers !
But now to the Senate in troops
They perspiring and panting repair, Where the good lady President sits,
Like a lobster that's boil'd, in a chair.
And there the gruff doctor of physic,
And the dark little father of law, Stretch their hands o'er their children, and there,
Divinity's Lion his paw.
With kisses, with rings, and with hugs, The old gentlemen treat one another,
Till by magic of hugs they become From a son in a moment a brother.
W. L. MANSEL.
86 IN CAP AND GOWN.
ONE HUNDRED GUINEAS REWARD.
On. the $th of March , 1793, many of the young trees in the fellows' garden at St. John's College were destroyed, and much damage done to the bridges and walks. This being a capital crime under the Black Act, Geo. /. c. 22, the culprits -were advertised for, and a hundred guineas offered for their apprehension. Whereupon Francis Wrangham, of Trinity Hall, wrote the following, which is here printed for the first time from a manuscript in the important collection of University papers bequeathed to the Library by William Webb, D.D., Master of Clare Hall 1815-1856.
WHEN Brunswick's proud duke, in his errand to France,
Led the Austrians and Prussians and Russians a dance,
He thought to win over the stout sans-culottes
By kindly engaging to cut all their throats ;
So the Johnians their bridges most wickedly mangled,
And delicate sucklings atrociously strangled,
Invite the sly culprit who did the Black Act
To swing on a gallows by owning the fact.
FRANCIS WRANGHAM.
MAPS.
"Maps " was a Cambridge bookseller, who was justly celebrated at the end of the last century. He originally had an open stall in the street ', but this he exchanged for a shop in Trumpington Street, on the site now occupied by the screen of Kings ; he afterwards moved to Trinity Street. He was a most industrious man, and was to be seen every day going from room to room with a load of books, and shotting " Maps I " to herald his arrival. He is said to have died in the year 1796, and was siic- ceeded in his business by his son, who gave up the name of Maps for the more prosaic appellation "Nicholson." His portrait was placed in the University Library, at the suggestion of Dr. Farmer. He was the subject of the Tripos verses for 1781. The lines we quote below can pretend to no sort of literary merit ; but they are interesting^ as they recall to mind one of the eccentric characters of the last centurv*
MOITTS avrov KaAeovcri 0eoi, ai/Spes Se
SNOBS call him Nicholson ! Plebeian name, Which ne'er would hand a Snobite down to fame ; But to posterity he'll go, — perhaps Since Granta's classic sons have dubbed him Maps.
CAP AND GOWN.
" TO THE SCHOLLERS OF SAINCT JOHN HIS COLLEGE?
The following appeared in the " Gentleman's Magazine" for 1796. An attempted explanation of the expression ' ' Johnian Swine " will be found in the Introduction.
Chelsea, January 3. MR. URBAN,
Perusing a very old and, I believe, also a very scarce little book of epigrams, written by one Master James Johnstone, clerk, printed anno 1613, I, the other day, found the following jeu a? esprit against the Cambridge Johnian hogs. If you approve of its insertion, your university readers may perhaps be pleased with perceiving your judicious correspondent W. Williams's assertion corroborated with regard to the antiquity of the appellation.
ANTHONY Hus.
YE Johnishe men, that have no other care, Save onelie for such foode as ye prepare, To gorge your foule polluted trunks withall ; Meere SWINE ye bee, and such your actyons all ; Like themme ye runne, such be youre leaden pace, Nor soule, nor reasonne, shynethe in your face.
C 89
ODE ON A COLLEGE FEAST-DA Y.
The following ode is reprinted from the " Spirit of the Public Journals" (1799). In every college Commemoration Day, on which prayers and thanks are offered to the pious founders and benefactors, concludes with a " feast " in Hall. The term " gyp" to denote a college servant, is said to be derived from yty, a vulture.
HARK ! heard ye not yon footsteps dread, That shook the hall, with thund'ring tread ? With eager haste The Fellows pass'd ; Each, intent on direful work, High lifts his mighty blade, and points his deadly fork.
ii.
But hark ! the portals sound, and pacing forth,
With steps, alas, too slow, The College Gyps, of high illustrious worth,
With all the dishes, in long order go : In the midst a form divine Appears, the fam'd Sirloin ; And soon, with plums and glory crown'd, Almighty pudding sheds its sweets around.
Heard ye the din of dinner bray ?
Knife to fork, and fork to knife ; Unnumber'd heroes in the glorious strife, Thro' fish, flesh, pies and puddings, cut their destin'd way.
90 IN CAP AND GOWN.
III.
See, beneath the mighty blade, Gor'd with many a ghastly wound,
Low the fam'd sirloin is laid,
And sinks in many a gulph profound.
Arise, arise, ye sons of glory !
Pies and puddings stand before ye.
See the ghost of hungry bellies
Point at yonder stand of jellies ;
While such dainties are beside ye,
Snatch the goods the gods provide ye ;
Mighty rulers of the state,
Snatch before it is too late ; For, swift as thought, the puddings, jellies, pies, Contract their giant bulk, and shrink to pigmy size.
IV.
From the table now retreating,
All around the fire they meet, And, with wine, the sons of eating '
Crown at length their mighty treat. Triumphant Plenty's rosy graces Sparkle in their jolly faces ; And mirth and cheerfulness is seen In each countenance serene.
Fill high the sparkling glass
And drink th' accustomed toast ; Drink deep, ye mighty host,
And let the bottle pass. Begin, begin the jovial strain ;
Fill, fill the mystic bowl, And drink, and drink, and drink again ;
For drinking fires the soul.
ODE ON A COLLEGE FEAST-DAY. 91
But soon, too soon, with one accord they reel;
Bach on his seat begins to nod ; All-conquering Bacchus' pow'r they feel,
And pour libations to the jolly god. At length, with dinner and with wine oppress'd, Down in their chairs they sink and give themselves to rest.
92 /A CAP AND GOWN.
A BACCHANALIAN SONG.
The following song appeared in the " Morning Chronicle" in 1800, and may be from the hand of Person, of 'whom , with the exception of the last verse, if is by no means unworthy.
I.
COME, ye good college lads, and attend to my lays, I'll show you the folly of poring o'er books ;
For all you get by it is mere empty praise, Or a poor meagre fellowship and sallow looks.
Chorus.
Then lay by your books, lads, and never repine ;
And cram not your attics
With dry mathematics, But moisten your clay with a bumper of wine !
ii.
The first of mechanics was old Archimedes
Who played with Rome's ships as he'd play cup-and-ball ; To play the same game, I can't see where the need is —
Or why we should fag mathematics at all !
Chorus — Then lay by your books, lads, etc.
A BACCHANALIAN SONG. 93
III.
Great Newton found out the Binomial Law,
To raise oc-\-y to the power of b ; Found the distance of planets that he never saw,
And what we most probably never shall see.
Chorus — Then lay by your books, lads, etc.
IV.
Let Whiston and Ditton star-gazing enjoy,
And taste all the sweets mathematics can give ;
Let us for our time find. a better employ —
And knowing life's sweets let us learn how to live. Chorus — Then lay by your books, lads, etc.
These men ex dbsurdo conclusions may draw ;
Perpetual motion they never could find : Not one of the set, lads, could balance a straw —
And longitude-seeking is hunting the wind.
Chorus — Then lay by your books, lads, etc.
VI.
If we study at all, let us study the means
To make ourselves friends, and keep them when made ; Learn to value the blessings kind Heaven ordains —
To make other men happy, let that be our trade.
Chorus.
Let each day be better than each day before ;
Without pain or sorrow
To-day or to-morrow, May we live, my good lads, to see many days more !
94 IN CAP AND GOWN.
ON E. D. CLARKE.
Edward Daniel Clarke, fellow and tutor of Jesus College, took his B.A. degree in 1790, and that of M.A. in 1794. While an undergraduate he failed to distinguish himself, and it was only after several years had been spent \by him as a travelling tutor that the powers of his mind became recognized. Between 1799 and 1802 he travelled through Scandinavia, Russia, Greece, and Palestine, and returned to Cambridge with an immense reputation and a vast collection of plants, manuscripts, minerals, and statues, among which was the so-called Ceres, referred to in the epigram on p. 98. In 1808 he was made Professor of Mineralogy, and became at once the most popular of lecturers. Though those among his listeners who had studied the subject often found him tripping, his enthu- siasm and eloquence placed him out of the reach of criticism. He was never a profound scholar or an accurate observer, but he had an ardour for miscellaneous knowledge'. which amounted to "literary heroism," and a faculty for being interested in all topics which, though dangerous, was at least fascinating. On one occasion he purchased and exhibited at the University Library a picture, which he asserted to be a portrait of Shake- speare, but which connoisseurs at once decided to be a forgery. On another occasion he constructed, out of the bones of mice and rats which he found at the bottom of a well, an animal which he said was a " Jerboa mouse" but which never existed outside his imagination. The folloiving lines sufficiently hit off his brilliant style of lecturing and his schoolboy passion for any odds and ends which could be denominated " curiosities." They are frequently attributed to William Smyth, of Peterhouse, who from 1807 to 1849 was Professor of Modern History. They are printed here from a manuscript in the possession of Mr. J. W. Clark.
Of the statue of Ceres referred to in the ninth stanza, something is said in the next poem. The * ' Corps " was a volunteer corps, consisting oj •members of the University, which was established in Cambridge in 1802, in consequence of the scare caused by the French war. Captain Bircham, of the 30/7* Foot, was appointed to drill it. Clarke displayed much enthusiasm in organizing the Jesus contingent.
ON E. D. CLARKE. 95
I SING of a Tutor renowned, Who went roving and raving for knowledge,
And gathered it all the world round, And brought it in boxes to College.
And because Mathematics was clear,— Too clear for our Metaphysicians — -
Introduced Dr. Gall, as I hear, To enlighten his Academicians.
Tol de rol, etc.
His pupils flocked eagerly round When they heard there was nothing to. bore 'em,
But guess their surprise when they found A lot of old skulls placed before 'em !
Astonished, confused, and perplext, They stared at their lecturer able,
And the Freshmen expected that next Old Nick would pop up through the table.
"Come round me, Sophs, Freshmen, and all," Cried the Doctor, and sprang from his chair ;
" You shall hear of the wonderful Gall, And of skulls and their mysteries rare.
Of Thought, how it comes and it goes, And of Life in the marrow descending ;
And I'll tell you what nobody knows, And you'll see me begin at the ending.
" First there's life that must fashion and warm, And when figure and form have begun,
The skull is the seat of the charm ; 'Tis there you must look for the fun.
And you've only to peep in the brain Just to see how it bumps and it bends ;
And when the whole matter is plain, Why — 'tis plain the whole mystery ends.
96 IN CAP AND GOWN.
" Observe now this skull I pick out ; 'Tis hard ; see how slowly it moulders ;
And hence I conclude without doubt 'Twas on some Fellow Commoner's shoulders.
And this, by the lines on the face, Belonged to some famed Rhetorician ;
And this, by this little soft place, Was the head of a Metaphysician."
Then he talked in a capital strain Of the Lion, the Bear, and the Fox,
Of Parrots with musical brain, And of men with mechanical blocks ;
That the Organ of Courage was clear To the test of an Investigation ;
And he talked till his pupils looked queer, Of an organ of assassination.
Next he showed how the Organ of Thought Was developed, as easy as may be ;
How Man to perfection was brought By tinkering the nob of the Baby.
The Doctor grew more and more able, And his eloquence clearer and clearer,
Till he knocked round the skulls on the table, And knocked up the skull of each hearer.
But alas ! while the Doctor was prosing Of Brains, and their wonderful parts,
In entered a German imposing To sell him a lump of Red Quartz.
Red Quartz ! There was no standing that ; Besides, he had within a gander
Which he swore had grown jolly and fat At the tomb of the Great Alexander.
ON E. D. CLARKE. 97
And Flaxman was now at the door To talk of the Ceres divine,
And Bircham to settle the corps, And Caldwell to sell him bad wine.
In the court were five Lions from town, And a message came hot from the master,
So that round about up-stairs and down The plot thickened faster and faster.
" Oh me ! " cried poor Clarke in a stew, And to lecture no longer was able.
Off, whizz ! like a rocket he flew, Overturning the skulls and the table.
And he cried in a whiff as, he went That now nothing was more expedient,
That in short they all knew what he meant, And that now he must be their obedient.
So huzza for all Tutors and Lectures And our able promoters of knowledge,
And the rest of our learned protectors, Not forgetting the Cooks of the College.
And long may a Tutor be found To explain Dr. Gall's lucubrations,
And his humbugging system profound Of prancing and proud botherations.
WILLIAM SMYTH (Professor of History).
98 IN CAP AND GOWN.
EPIGRAM. THE STATUE OF CERES SPEAKS.
The following epigram, reprinted from Professor Prymis " Recotte<- tions," was written on the statue of Ceres ; which E. D. Clarke, of Jesus, brought from Eleusis, and confidently asserted to be " the known work of Pheidias and the gift of Pericles." Of this work, which is now generally acknowledged to be a Cistophorus, not a Ceres, the entire face is worn away. James Lambert, the author of the epigram, was Tenth Wrangler and Senior Medallist in 1764. From 1771 to 1780 he was Professor of Greek. He was one of the few senior fellows of Trinity whose moral character escapes condemnation in Gunnings " Remini- scences. "
NAY, flout not, girls ; 'tis not more strange than true, I once was lovely and admired as you. Transported now to Beauty's happier shore, I feel abashed, and show my face no more.
JAMES LAMBERT.
C 99 )
THE SOCIETY OF MATHEMATICIANS.
This paper on the Society of Mathematicians appeared in a periodical called the " Galvanist," which was published in Cambridge in the year 1804. It -was conducted chiefly by small college men, the principal con- tributor being William Downing Whittington, of Pembroke Hall. The editor called himself " Hydra Pdycephalus, Esq." and justified the title of the " Galvanist" by stating that the purpose of his periodical was "by forming the basis of conversation, at length, by a Promethean touch, to shoot life through the university at large. " The specimen of the magazine which we print here was written by R. Morritt, of St. Catharine's Hall.
" Curvo dignoscere rectum."
HOR., Epist. ii.
To HYDRA POLYCEPHALUS, ESQ.
SIR,
Impressed with the liveliest sentiments of admi- ration, permit me most humbly to address you. I am Secretary to an Undergraduate Society of Mathematicians, which office I recently gained, after a long, but interesting examination ; by throwing a few of the first definitions of Euclid into verse.1 I understand that you are of a benevolent disposition, and therefore conclude, you will never shrink
1 N.B. — I alluded to the success my Poetry had met with, permit me to enclose a specimen :
A point no parts, or magnitude can boast ; A line all claim to depth, and breadth has lost ! When straight, where'er protracted it is seen, It still lies evenly its points between.
ioo IN CAP AND GOWN.
from, or decline any situation, where your exertions will be essentially useful to any of your fellow-creatures. Indeed, should you lend a favourable ear to this petition, you will render the Society, on whose behalf I have the honour to address you, a most important service.
Finding, Sir, no one among us worthy of being elected President, we humbly beseech you to accept the vacant chair. Two weighty reasons determined our choice ; — first, the facility your number of heads must afford you of solving Problems ; and secondly, the quantity of tea, which, in a given time, you must be able to imbibe. These are perfec- tions, which no one, but yourself, possesses, by the aid of which, I doubt not, at the expiration of three years, to see elevated to the grand pre-eminence of Incomparabilis.
We have, Sir, hastily thrown together a few rules and regulations, which, should they not coincide with your ideas, we shall be very happy to correct.
At a general meeting of the members of the Under- graduate Mathematicians, the following resolutions were unanimously agreed to.
Resolved —
I. That no beverage be allowed but tea, excepting on our Anniver- sary, when coffee will be added ; it being our fixed and unalterable opinion, that these, properly speaking, are the only exhilarating liquors.
Resolved —
II. That each Member wear, on the days of assembly, a coat at least 3 years old, adorned with white metal buttons having the letters Q.E.D. engraved on them, as that is ultimately the Focus to which all our labours converge.
Resolved —
III. If it can be clearly demonstrated, that any Member has his coat made in Bond -street, he shall be immediately considered an evanescent quantity, and no longer accounted a member of our body. Resolved —
IV. Any Member, who shall be seen too frequently disguised in
THE SOCIETY OF MATHEMATICIANS. 101
clean linen, shall, for each separate offence, be prohibited the use of scribbling paper for one week.
Resolved —
V. That we shall be called the circle .of mathematicians of which all the Members are equal radii, and the President the Periphery ; it being his office to circumscribe, and keep within due bounds, the other Members.
Resolved —
VI. That the Members shall be called, A. B. C., etc., beginning from the right hand of the Chair ; the President always remaining P. for reasons specified in regulation the 5th.
Resolved —
VII. That the Armorial Bearing be, on a field argent, Proposition the 47 of the ist book of Euclid rampant.
Resolved —
VIII. That no Member shall be excused attendance, unless it can be clearly proved, that he is actually engaged in scholastic avocations.
Resolved —
IX. That the Secretary do submit the above to Mr. Hydra Poly- cephalus for his inspection, humbly beseeching him to accept the vacant chair, and to receive us under his protection.
Should our good stars so befriend us, as to enroll us beneath your banner ; should we be so favoured, as to be placed under the same vinculum with you ; I, Sir, together with my brethren, should consider it, as the greatest blessing in our existence. What a satisfaction will it be, what an infinite series of delight, to pore over your problems, to attend your solutions, and to attempt to imitate, as far as lies in our power, that luddus ordo, which doubtless must diverge from the author of the Galvanist.
I am, Sir, with every sentiment of esteem and respect,
Your most obedient
X. SECRETARY.
An unknown, though if you please, a constant quantity.
102 IN CAP AND GOWN.
DEDICA TION.
"Phaebe fave, novus ingreditur tua templa sacerdos."
This bitterly satiric dedication to Mansel,for whom see above, p. 76, is taken from " A Few Verses, English and Latin" %vo, London, 1812.
They were written by Edward Smedley, M.A., of Trinity College, B.A. 1809. He was afterwards elected to a fellowship at Sidney College, and died young.
HAIL ! arbiters profound of knowledge,
All-sapient autocrats of college !
Hail each ! but chiefly hail to thee,
Model of mitred dignity !
Hail ! " God-knows-most-unworthy Peer,"
Right-reverend lover of small beer ;
The churchman's shame, the scholar's scorn,
Lampoon, and Epigram in lawn !
Ne'er was by silken apron hidden
More precious stock of fruit forbidden,
Ne'er lurk'd the pious robe within
More full epitome of sin.
Proceed, great patron of us all, In virtues right episcopal : Friendship, a play of words with thee, Sincerity, &jeu d? esprit ; Thy love of God, the love of siller, Thy daily manual, Joe Miller.
„ DEDICATION. 103
Proceed, and may your glories close On the same stage where first they rose ; Feel, ere you yield your parting breath, The ruling passion strong in death ; And, mindful of your speeches past, Make from a cart your best and last !
EDWARD SMEDLEY.
104 *N CAP AND GOWN.
JOHNIAN MELODIES.
About 1814 there were current in Cambridge a number of jeux (Tesprit called Johnian Melodies ', "written in imitation of Tom Moore. The follow* ing is quoted in " Notes and Queries? 1st series, xii. 319. It is addressed to a fellow-commoner, who would, of course, dine at the high table. The president referred to is Rev. James Wood, afterwards master (1815-39), a position in which he was succeeded by Ralph Tatham. Sir Isaac is Sir Isaac Pennington, one of the senior fellows and Regius Professor of Medicine (1793-1817) ; and Hopper the bed-maker.
WHEN in hall you go to dine,
O take your seat by the President's chair \ Tell him I'm going to Tatham's wine,
And hope to meet Sir Isaac there. Bid him not set me an imposition,
For cutting his lectures this morning at eight ; For Hopper swears with deep contrition,
She called me half an hour too late*
c 105
THOUGHTS SUGGESTED BY A COLLEGE EXAMINATION.
Lord Byron entered Trinity in 1805, and having been absent from his college for a year, finally' left in 1808. He did not pay much attention to the studies of the University ', and was chiefly notable for the irregularities of his conduct. He seems to hcve had as great a contempt for the University to which he belonged as Gray or Smart. " Magnus" referred to in the following poem, is Dr. Mansel, Master of Trinity. Dr. Hooper " left three silver goblets for the three best English declamations." These prizes are ridiculed below.
HIGH in the midst, surrounded by his peers, Magnus his ample front sublime uprears : Placed in his chair of state he seems a god, While Sophs and Freshmen tremble at his nod. As all around sit wrapt in speechless gloom, His voice in thunder shakes the sounding dome ; Denouncing dire reproach to luckless fools, Unskilled to plod in Mathematic rules.
Happy the youth in Euclid's axioms tried, Though little versed in any art beside ; Who scarcely skilled an English line to pen, Scans Attic metres with a critic's ken. What though he knows not how his fathers bled, Where civil discord piled the fields with dead, When Edward bade his conquering bands advance, Or Henry trampled on the crest of France :
106 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Though marvelling at the name of Magna Charta, Yet well he recollects the laws of Sparta : Can tell what edicts sage Lycurgus made, While Blackstone's on the shelf neglected laid ; Of Grecian dramas vaunts the deathless fame, Of Avon's bard remembering scarce the name.
Such is the youth whose scientific pate
Class-honours, medals, fellowships await ;
Or even perhaps the declamation prize,
If to such glorious heights he lifts his eyes.
But lo ! no common orator can hope
The envied silver cup within his scope.
Not that our heads much eloquence require,
Th' Athenian's glowing style, or Tully's fire.
A manner clear or warm is useless, since
We do not try by speaking to convince.
Be other orators of pleasing proud :
We speak to please ourselves, not move the crowd
Our gravity prefers the muttering tone,
A proper mixture of the squeak or groan :
No borrowed grace of action must be seen,
The slightest motion would displease the Dean ;
Whilst every staring graduate would prate
Against what he could never imitate.
The man who hopes to obtain the promised cup, Must in one posture stand, and ne'er look up, Nor stop, but rattle over every word — No matter what, so it can not be heard. Thus let him hurry on, nor think to rest ; Who speaks the fastest's sure to speak the best ; Who utters most within the shortest space May safely hope to win the wordy race.
A COLLEGE EXAMINATION. 107
The sons of science these, who, thus repaid, Linger in ease in Granta's sluggish shade ; Where on Cam's sedgy bank supine they lie Unknown, unhonoured live, unwept for, die. Dull as the pictures which adorn their halls, They think all learning fix'd within their walls ; In manners rude, in foolish forms precise, All modern arts affecting to despise ; Yet prizing Bentley's, Brunck's, or Person's note, More than the verse on which the critic wrote j Vain as their honours, heavy as their ale, Sad as their wit and tedious as their tale ; To friendship dead, though not untaught to feel When Self and Church demand a bigot zeal. With eager haste they court the lord of power, Whether 'tis Pitt or Petty rules the hour ; To him, with suppliant smiles, they bend the head, While distant mitres to their eyes are spread. But should a storm o'erwhelm him with disgrace, They'd fly to seek the next who filled his place. Such are the men who learning's treasures guard ! Such is their practise, such is their reward ! This much at least we may presume to say — The premium can't exceed the price they pay.
LORD BYRON. 1806.
io8 IN CAP AND GOWN.
THE SIZAR'S TABLE.
The following verses are said to have been written by William Wilson Todd, of St. John's, between 1 822 and 1 826. Todd was a sizar at the time. Charles Simeon, of King's College (B.A. 1783), who is referred to in line 8, was Vicar of Trinity Church, Cambridge. When first appointed to the living he met with a storm of opposition, on account of his evangelical tendencies. For many years his church, and the streets in its neighbourhood, were the scene of the utmost disorder. The ultra- pious members of the University who supported him were called " Simeonites," or " Sims"
A sizar is a student who is admitted to the University at lower fees than a pensioner. He got his name from "size," an allowance of pro- visions. In earlier times some indignity was connected with the position of a sizar, but this has long ceased to be the case.
The description of a sizar, given in Fawkes* translation from Smarfs Tripos verses on " Yawning," is gloomy enough :
" Thus the lank Sizar views, with gaze aghast, The harpy tutor at his noon's repast ; In vain his teeth he grinds — oft checks a sigh, And dusts a silent censure from his eye : Now he prepares, officious, to convey The lessening relics of the meal away — In vain, no morsel 'scapes the greedy jaw, All, all is gorg'd in magisterial maw ; Till at the last observant of his word, The lamentable waiter clears the board, And inly murmuring miserably groans To see the empty dish, and hear the rattling bones."
SUCH comical characters honour our table, As never were heard of since Adam and Abel ;
THE SIZARS TABLE. 109
Some wondrous witty — some poor silly elves,
Who are witty and learned alone to themselves ;
Some full of politeness, some rough as a boar,
In their outward appearance and manners much more ;
Some carnally given to women and wine,
Some apostles of Simeon all pure and divine —
Some poets whose brains are most vacantly wise,
Suspended halfway 'tween the earth and the skies.
Some stiff as a poker, some crooked as a pin,
And some like a skeleton, shamefully thin ;
Some fair as the cedars of Lebanon, some
As yellow and pale as the great China Chum ;
Some perfumed and scented — some dirty in knowledge,
As the gyps are with cooking the meat of the college.
All characters scramble like dogs in the street,
To snarl at the half-plundered relics of meat,
Which fall from the table of wealthier Dons,
While we, like poor Lazarus, pick up the crumbs.
WILLIAM W. TODD.
I io IN CAP AND GOWN.
A LETTER FROM M V , OF TRINITY
COLLEGE, TO A FRIEND AT OXFORD.
On Tuesday the ceremony of laying the first stone of the new buildings of Trinity College was performed. About a hundred and fifty gentle- men afterwards sat down to a most splendid banquet in the noble Hall of the college. The hilarity of this most interesting part of the ceremony was, however, interrupted by one unfortunate proceeding. It has been the custom upon previous occasions of a like nature for the fellows to take their wine and make their speeches without removing from the Hall, and the younger members of the college have been uniformly invited to remain and participate in the conviviality and kindly feeling of the event. Upon the present occasion the master and seniors deter- mined to exclude all members in statu pupillari immediately that the cloth was drawn from the table and the cork from the claret ; and the bachelors, scholars, pensioners, and sizars, naturally indignant at this encroachment of prerogative, resolved unanimously to absent themselves altogether from the Hall. The lower end of the Hall presented a very ludicrous appearance — venison in plenty, and none to eat ; beer in abundance, and none to drink ; gyps in crowds, and none to require their services.
The folio wing jeu cT esprit was handed about the next morning —
" Outspoke the Rover
To his gallant crew ; Up with the black flag And down with the blue."
This account, together with the poem, appeared in the " Cambridge Independent Press," August 1 6, 1823.
THERE was a feast, a mighty feast,
For science and the gown ; The college buildings were increased,
The Speaker was come down ;
A LETTER FROM M-
And men of war and men of prayer And men of every sort were there, Peer and professor, monk and mayor,
And Simeonite and sinner : Sweating and swearing, fretting and frying, Bowing and bustling, crowding and eyeing, And very fond of speechifying,
And very fond of dinner.
Then, looking big and looking blue, Outspoke unto his gallant crew
The gracious king of Trinity ; " 'Tis contrary to rule and right That we, the Seniors, shoulpl invite, To see us drink and hear us speak, The beardless bunglers in bad Greek,
The learners of Latinity. We will not make the striplings sick With claret and with rhetoric ; The streams of eloquence and liquor Shall only flow for vice and vicar, The Court and Caput sweetly blent, And members of the Parliament,
And doctors of Divinity. 'Tis proper for young men to pay And keep the peace, and keep away ! They'll find the dinner quite a treat, And hear the band, and eat the meat ; But to stay drinking, strange vagary For men in statu pupillari ! "
All undergraduates are vermin ; The conclave did that day determine, For fear of noise and squeeze,
ii2 IN CAP AND GOWN.
The master should remove at once The emptiness of dish and dunce, Thick beer and thirsty bachelor, Plum pudding and pert Pensioner, Young scholar and old cheese ; That all unseen and all unheard The ancient ones might be absurd ; That all might join in port and pranks, In reasoning and returning thanks ; That none might note the trifling slips Of roaring oaths from reverend lips ; That medallists might praise the haunches, And wranglers fight about the branches, And sober Tutors drain the bottle, And pedants quote from Aristotle.
A child might see how this would end. Hot were our passions, O my friend,
And very hot the weather ; We all resolved in either court To cut the business very short,
And cut it altogether.
Was it a most atrocious sin
To hurry to the Eagle Inn,
And there to fret, and there to fume
In a great passion and small room ?
Perhaps it was ! I only know
I sat me down at five or so
And dined upon a charming plan,
Clean cloth, stewed eels, and Mary Anne.
I am egregiously witty ;
And Mary Anne is rather pretty
And so we grew immensely merry,
And drank the Doctor's health in sherry 1
HOCK VERSUS FALERNIAN.
The following lines are to be found in the " Facetiae Cantabrigienses, published 1825.
As some Peter-house fellows, one day, as I have heard, Were disputing which liquor old Horace preferred, While some were for this sort, and others for that, And backed their belief with quotations quite pat ; Whilst, in spite of their joking, the contest ran high, And some would have quarrell'd, but couldn't tell why : Old P — ne, who till now had not moved tongue or breech, Put an end to the war by this comical speech : — " You may talk of your wines, with a name purely classic, Such as Chian, Falernian, Lesbian, and Massic ; But of this I am sure, and it worthy of note is, Hock, hock was his liquor, — ' Hoc erat in votis ! ' " z
1 Vide Hor., Sat. lib. 2, 6.
II4 IN CAP AND GOWN.
THE COLLEGIAN AND THE PORTER.
The following poem, which, was founded upon fact, and tells its own story, has been attributed to J. R. Planche. It is printed in the " Facetiae Cantabrigienses" (1825).
AT Trin. Coll. Cam. — which means, in proper spelling,
Trinity College, Cambridge — there resided One Harry Dashington ; a youth excelling In all the learning commonly provided For those who choose that classic station For finishing their education.
That is — he understood computing The odds at any race or match ; Was a dead hand at pigeon-shooting :
Could kick up rows, knock down the watch, Play truant and the rake at random, Drink, tie cravats, and drive a tandem.
Remonstrance, fine, and rustication, So far from working reformation,
Seemed but to make his lapses greater Till he was warned that next offence Would have this certain consequence, —
Expulsion from his Alma Mater.
THE COLLEGIAN AND THE PORTER. 115
One need not be a necromancer
To guess that, with so wild a wight,
The next offence occurr'd next night ;
When our incurable came rolling
Home as the midnight chimes were tolling, And rang the college bell. — No answer.
The second peal was vain— the third
Made the street echo its alarum ; When, to his great delight, he heard
The sordid Janitor, old Ben,
Rousing and growling in his den. "Who's there? — I 'spose young Harum-scarum."
"Tis I, my worthy Ben — 'tis Harry." " Aye, so I thought, and there you'll tarry.
" Tis past the hour — the gates are closed ; You know my orders — I shall lose
My place if I undo the door." " And I " (young hopeful interposed) " Shall be expelled if you refuse ;
So prythee " — Ben began to snore.
" I'm wet," cried Harry, " to the skin ;
Hip ! hallo ! Ben ! don't be a ninny ;
Beneath the gate I've thrust a guinea, So tumble out, and let me in." " Humph ! " growled the greedy old curmudgeon, Half overjoyed, and half in dudgeon,
" Now you may pass ; but make no fuss, On tiptoe walk, and hold your prate."
" Look on the stones, old Cerberus," Cried Harry, as he passed the gate ;
" I've dropped a shilling — take the light ;
You'll find it just outside — good night."
n6 IN CAP AND GOWN.
Behold the porter in his shirt, Cursing the rain, which never stopped,
Groping and raking in the dirt, And all without success ; but that Is hardly to be wondered at,
Because no shilling had been dropped ; So he gave o'er the search at last, Regained the door and found it fast !
With sundry oaths and growls and groans,
He rang once — twice — and thrice ; and then, Mingled with giggling, heard the tones
Of Harry mimicking old Ben. " Who's there ?— Tis really a disgrace
To ring so loud — I've locked the gate —
I know my duty — 'tis too late — You wouldn't have me lose my place ? "
" Pshaw ! Mr. Dashington ; remember
This is the middle of November ;
I'm stripped; 'tis raining cats and dogs." " Hush, hush ! " quoth Hal ; " I'm fast asleep ; " And then he snored as loud and deep
As a whole company of hogs. " But hark ye, Ben, I'll grant admittance
At the same rate I paid myself." " Nay, master, leave me half the pittance,"
Replied the avaricious elf.
" No ; all or none — a full acquittance ; — The terms, I know, are somewhat high ; But you have fixed the price, not I.
I won't take less— I can't afford it;" So, finding all his haggling vain, Ben, with an oath and groan of pain,
Drew out the guinea and restored it.
THE COLLEGIAN AND THE PORTER. 117
"Surely you'll give me," growled th' outwitted Porter when again admitted,
" Something, now you've done your joking, For all this trouble, time, and soaking."
" Oh ! surely, surely," Harry said, " Since, as you urge, I broke your rest, And you're half-drowned and quite undress'd,
I'll give you — leave to go to bed ! "
N. M. M.
n8 IN CAP AND GOWN.
CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY. UTRUM HOKUM. A CAMBRIDGE BALLAD.
In 1826 Sir J. Singleton Copley and Viscount Palmers ton were opposed by IV. y. Bankes and H. Goulburn in the election of members to represent the University in Parliament. It was thought that, if either Bankes or Goulburn retired from the contest ', the chances of the one who retained the confidence of his party would be the stronger. Goulburn, however, declined to come to terms, and the result was that Copley and Palmerston were returned. The following appeared in the " Times" for June 16, 1826.
"I authorized my committee to take the step which they did, of proposing a fair comparison of strength, upon the understanding that whichever of the two should prove to be the weakest, should give way to the other." (Extract from Mr. W. J. Bankes's letter to Mr. Goulburn.)
Nt/co /tow ou5' oAAos, av A22aroi b"eyfvovTO.
THEOCRITUS.
B— NKES is weak, and G— Ib— rn too,
No one e'er the fact denied ; — Which is "weakest" of the two
Cambridge can alone decide. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray; Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.
G — Ib — rn of the Pope afraid is,
B — nkes as much afraid as he ; Never yet did two old ladies
On this point so well agree. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray ; Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.
CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY. 119
Each a different mode pursues,
Each the same conclusion reaches ; B — nkes is foolish in Reviews,
G — lb — rn foolish in his speeches. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray ; Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.
Each a different foe doth damn, When his own affairs have gone ill ;
B — nkes he damneth Buckingham, G — lb — rn damneth Dan O'Connel.
Choose between them, Cambridge, pray ;
Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.
B — nkes, accustomed much to roam,
1 Plays with Truth a traveller's pranks ; G — lb — rn, though he stays at home, Travels thus as much as B — nkes. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray ; Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.
Once, we know, a horse's neigh
Fix'd th' election to a throne ; So, whichever first shall bray,
Choose him, Cambridge, for thy own. Choose him, choose him by his bray ; Thus elect him, Cambridge, pray.
120 IN CAP AND GOWN*
THE COUNTRY CLERGYMAN'S TRIP TO CAMBRIDGE.
AN ELECTION BALLAD. (1827.)
In 1827 Mr. W. J. Bankes, who had already been the University's representative in one Parliament, came forward again as the champion of Protestantism, avowing his " full concurrence with those who apprehend danger to the Protestant Establishment by any further concessions to the Catholics" He was opposed by Sir Nicholas Tindal, afterwards Chief Justice of the Common Pleas, by. whom he was defeated by 101 votes. Apropos of this election, T. B. Macaulay, who two years previously had graduated as M.A., wrote " The Country Clergyman's Trip to Cambridge. "
As I sate down to breakfast in state,
At my living of Tithing-cum-Boring, With Betty beside me to wait,
Came a rap that almost beat the door in. I laid down my basin of tea,
And Betty ceased spreading the toast, " As sure as a gun, sir," said she,
" That must be the knock of the post"
A letter — and free — bring it here — I have no correspondent who franks.
No ! Yes ! Can it be ? Why, my dear, Tis our glorious, our Protestant Bankes.
THE COUNTRY CLERGYMAN'S TRIP. 121
" Dear sir, as I know you desire
That the Church should receive due protection, I humbly presume to require
Your aid at the Cambridge election.
" It has lately been brought to my knowledge,
That the Ministers fully design To suppress each cathedral and college,
And eject every learned divine. To assist this detestable scheme
Three nuncios from Rome are come over ; They left Calais on Monday by steam,
And landed to dinner at Dover.
<f An army of grim Cordeliers,
Well furnished with relics and vermin, Will follow, Lord Westmoreland fears,
To effect what their chiefs may determine. Lollards' Tower, good authorities say,
Is again fitting up for a prison ; And a wood-merchant told me to-day
'Tis a wonder how faggots have risen.
" The finance scheme of Canning contains
A new Easter-offering tax ; And he means to devote all the gains
To a bounty on thumb-screws and racks. Your living, so neat and compact —